


Moments In Time

by alittlepieceofgundamwing_archivist



Series: Moments in Time [3]
Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Angst, Lemon, M/M, Post EW, Sappy, Self-Esteem Issues, Vignette, Yaoi, multiple styles of POV, ref. to past 13x6, ref. to past 1x2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-09-10
Packaged: 2019-04-13 19:01:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 27,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14118855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alittlepieceofgundamwing_archivist/pseuds/alittlepieceofgundamwing_archivist
Summary: by  RazorQueen--I wanted to show what happens with Duo's and Zech's lives after "Twas the Night," but didn't really have a clear story line. So I decided on a series of loosely connected vignettes. Also, I was experimenting with using different points of view and different kinds of "texts," so you'll find first person and third person narratives, letters, and anything else I can come up with. I intend to add to these, but I'm not sure that it will achieve "finished" status, just by its nature. Some "moments" are lemon, some are angsty, some are sappy, in no particular order. As always, the lemon is NC-17.





	1. Moving Day

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Dacia, the archivist: this work was originally archived at [A Little Piece of Gundam Wing](https://fanlore.org/wiki/A_Little_Piece_Of_Gundam_Wing), which closed in 2017. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after July 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [a little piece of gundam wing collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/alittlepieceofgundamwing/profile).

Duo stood in the huge, empty hall, feeling alone and dreadfully out of place. The movers and house staff eyed him without confidence, and he didn't blame them. To avoid their skeptical scrutiny, he stared down at his scuffed boots, but the gleaming white of the marble floors did little to reassure him. A pattern of light played across the smooth slab, reflected from the crystal chandelier above his head.  
  
Marble and crystal? What the hell have I gotten myself into?  
  
Two men maneuvered a rosewood Hepplewhite credenza into the wide hall and looked to him for instructions. Duo pointed to the long wall beneath the sweep of the staircase. He held his breath as the men set down the delicate, elegant piece; one of the few surviving relics of Zechs' childhood, it had come from the Sanc palace. If he let anything happen to it, he'd never forgive himself.  
  
"Sir?"   
  
Duo looked up at a man with a clipboard and a harried face. "Sorry. What do you need now?"  
  
"Where would you like these to go?"   
  
Duo recognized the boxes and felt his face warm in spite of himself. All of his belongings had fit into a few cartons, hardly enough to fill a corner of the new Ambassador's residence. "Upstairs, I guess."   
  
"In the master suite?"  
  
He thought of his things, a shoddy little hodgepodge that he'd managed to hoard despite a life spent on the run, and he tried to imagine them fitting anywhere in the Ambassador's glittering residence. The picture made him grimace.  
  
"Uh, no. One of the others. I don't care which." He couldn't remember how many bedrooms this place had.   
  
"Shall I have them unpacked?"  
  
"No!" Duo frowned, unwilling to have strangers go through his possessions. They might not be much, but damn it, they were his. But then he remembered that Zechs was depending on him to manage the whole moving operation, and this guy was just trying to do his job. Act like you've done this before, buddy-boy.   
  
"No, there's nothing in them we'll need right away."  
  
"Yes, sir."  
  
Duo wandered to the enormous living and dining rooms. Zechs had explained that the public rooms of their house had to be on a grand scale, and Duo had learned names like Chippendale and Sheraton, Waterford and Limoges, Aubusson and Savonnerie. Zechs took the title of Earth's Ambassador very seriously, and he intended their residence to be a showcase of everything that was fine and beautiful about the planet of his birth.  
  
Duo agreed that the house was beautiful. But it wasn't home.  
  
I miss my apartment. It was tiny and cheap, but when Zechs was with me, it was all I needed . This place...shit.  
  
Two movers unrolled a huge Oriental carpet in the dining room. Duo smiled in spite of himself, remembering the day they'd purchased it. Unable to decide between two equally magnificent Persian kilims, Zechs had shrugged and turned to Duo.  
  
"What do you think?"  
  
Duo studied the two carpets. He didn't know shit about Oriental rugs, but he wasn't about to admit it in front of the weaselly little man who owned the shop. He kept watching Duo as though he were going to run off with the till or something, and it was starting to piss him off. Crossing his arms, he tried to convey the image of someone choosing between two not-quite-satisfactory options. Either rug probably cost more money than he'd ever had in a year, but something about the one on the right, with its muted jewel tones, appealed to him.  
  
"That one," he said, glaring at the shop owner, daring him to challenge his choice.  
  
Instead, the nervous little man muttered something about "Sir's excellent taste," and scurried to make arrangements for the carpet's delivery.   
  
Zechs smiled at him, a mischievous glitter in his blue eyes. "You made him happy. But how did you know this is the better _\--_ and, I might add, more expensive _\--_ one?"  
  
"I didn't, not really. I just thought...well..." Duo ducked his head, feeling his cheeks warm with a sudden, embarrassed flush.  
  
Zechs lifted his chin. "What did you think, darling?"  
  
"Aw, shit, Zechs." Duo squirmed away, unwilling to meet his lover's eyes. "I thought if I was going to steal one of them, which one could I fence easier?"   
  
Zechs' laugh, rich and clearly delighted, startled him, but no more than the swift, hot kiss the Ambassador planted on his mouth. "My little thief," his prince murmured against his ear in a tone that promised everything, "I love you."  
  
"Excuse us, sir."   
  
Duo broke out of his reverie as two men carrying carved wooden chairs nudged past him, and he scrambled to get out of their way.   
  
"Yeah. Sorry." All this "sir" stuff is getting to me. "Um. Hey," he said to no one in particular. "I'll be upstairs if anyone needs me. 'kay?"  
  
Duo turned on his heel and bounded up the curving staircase, his boots pounding a staccato on the shining hardwood treads. The broad landing split the upstairs into two wings, one of guest suites for visiting dignitaries, the smaller leading to his and Zechs' private rooms. Duo turned right toward the master suite.  
  
Master suite. I like that. He smiled as he turned the knob and let himself into his new rooms. Sweet master...  
  
Duo stood in the foyer of their rooms. Foyer. Shit. What kind of bedroom has a foyer?   
  
Someone had already placed a huge bouquet of hothouse flowers on the console there, and the scent permeated the room. He stepped into the main room of their suite, surveying it with the sense that he opened the door by mistake. Even though he knew better, he kept feeling as though he were masquerading and any moment now, he would be found out.  
  
Two enormous picture windows faced the gardens. A set of French doors separated them, opening onto a wide terrace. With the curtains drawn back, light filled the space, playing on the warm wood furniture. The room itself was easily as big as all of Duo's old apartment, decorated in neutral shades from cream to chocolate brown, a style at once both masculine and comfortable. Even with the doors open, no street noise intruded, and the whole atmosphere of the suite was one of calm and security, a respite for Zechs from the pressures of politics and a shelter for Duo after a lifetime of wandering.   
  
Hesitantly, as if someone might scold him for his impertinence, Duo eased himself down onto the sofa. Overstuffed cushions drew him into their embrace, and he leaned back and sighed. Okay, maybe this isn't so bad after all.  
  
He let his braid drape over the back of the sofa as he wriggled deeper into the softness of the upholstery. He closed his eyes, folded his arms behind his head. The soft currents that crept through the open doors held none of the scents he'd become accustomed to on Earth. There, every place had its own distinctive odor: cities, countrysides, even individual buildings. Weather had a smell, too _\--_ the indefinable scent before rain, the tang of ozone after lightning, the hot, sharp odor of pavement in the summer sun. Here, the air had been filtered, sanitized, regulated. Every place, every day smelled the same. But he found comfort in the familiarity and predictability.   
  
No storms...  
  
Lulled by the quiet and bone-tired from the move, Duo drifted into half-sleep. His mind wandered, chasing blurred images and unformed embryos of thought until he floated in a timeless, weightless place. He had no sense of how long he sat, dozing, before something brought him back to full awareness with a rush.   
  
He didn't open his eyes, didn't twitch a muscle. Anyone watching him would have thought he still slept. But something had triggered his reflexes. He was being watched.  
  
He opened his eyes to a bare slit just as a warm wetness laved his ear. Platinum wisps of hair swept at his cheek, and he tipped his head to look up into his lover's eyes. For a moment, he allowed himself to do nothing but bask in the wonder that he loved this man completely and that his love was returned. The feeling was still new enough that it awed him.   
  
Zechs nipped at his ear again, just enough to tease him, then walked around the sofa and sat beside him. He slid his arm around the younger man's shoulders and pulled him close. Duo shifted and rested his head against Zechs' chest, breathing in the clean spiciness of his cologne, content to sit in silence with him.   
  
Zechs toyed with the end of the long chestnut braid, brushing it playfully across the tip of Duo's nose. "How has the move gone? Downstairs looks magnificent."  
  
"Really?" Duo stopped himself from wriggling like a puppy under Zechs' praise, but the encouragement warmed him.  
  
"Really. Better even than I imagined." He rewarded Duo with a long, lingering kiss. Duo would have happily taken the kiss from tenderness to passion, but Zechs gently broke away. Stroking Duo's cheek with the back of his hand, he said, "But I think I prefer it up here."   
  
Duo smiled up at his lover, a little rueful at the kiss's ending. "Yeah, me, too."  
  
Zechs smoothed Duo's hair away from his face. "Are you happy, little one?"  
  
"What brought that on? I'm with you, aren't I? How could I be anything but happy?"  
  
Zechs smiled. "That wasn't quite an answer. What's the matter? Are you missing Earth after all?"  
  
Duo leaned his head into the hollow of Zechs' shoulder. "No, it's not that. It's just that it seems so...so much. Downstairs _\--_ damn, I feel like I'm in a museum and someone's going to tell me not to stand too close to the paintings or something."  
  
Zechs chuckled and tugged on Duo's braid. "Imp. It's your house, and you may get fingerprints on whatever you choose." He stroked the shining chestnut hair. "I think this is a case of 'be careful what you wish for, you may get it,' no?"  
  
"I guess."  
  
"You haven't shown me the rest of our rooms yet." He stood, took Duo's hands, and pulled him to his feet. "Come on."   
  
Grudgingly, Duo led Zechs into their bedroom. A huge bed dominated the room, and he noticed Zechs' speculative smile. Then his prince looked around and nodded with approval at the rest of the furnishings. Duo smiled back at him, relieved. Zechs' taste tended more toward antiques, but Duo had never had a new piece of furniture in his life _\--_ a TV didn't count, the Ambassador claimed _\--_ so he'd given his young lover free reign here. Strangely, though it gave him satisfaction to have brand new furnishings, Duo found that he liked pieces that looked old, giving them a sense of permanence so long absent from his life.   
  
"Something's missing." Zechs surveyed the room, then frowned and stared hard at the bed. "Where is it?"  
  
"Where's what?"  
  
"In fact," Zechs continued as though Duo hadn't spoken. "Everything's missing. Duo, where are your things?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Your belongings. I know we packed them. If those fools of movers have lost them, I'll _\--_ "  
  
"No. No, they're upstairs somewhere. I had them store the boxes in one of the other bedrooms."  
  
Zechs frowned, clearly puzzled. He looked into Duo's eyes, his face framed by soft blond hair. "And why would you do that?"  
  
Duo faltered under that clear blue gaze. "I-I thought...I figured you're tired of looking at my trash. So I didn't unpack those boxes."  
  
Zechs sighed, then cupped his palm over Duo's cheek. "Darling, what did I do to give you that idea?"  
  
"Nothing." Duo resisted the impulse to look down and scuff his feet like a penitent schoolboy. "I guess I just thought my stuff would be out of place." Just like I'm out of place.  
  
Duo found himself wrapped in the embrace that had become a haven to him. "My foolish little one. I want to be able to see your belongings, to feel your presence. I need to know that you're here with me to stay. And I want you to know that you're home. Now, let's find those boxes."  
  
It took several minutes of searching through the guest rooms, but Zechs persisted, and they found the small pile of movers' cartons that held everything Duo owned. Together, they carried the boxes back to their suite, Duo still feebly protesting, Zechs shushing him first with words, then with a firm kiss.  
  
"Stop this, love, and help me look." Zechs knelt down and began rummaging through the jumble of Duo's possessions.  
  
"Look for what?" Duo blinked, still bemused from the kiss.  
  
"Here it is." He drew a length of faded blue cloth from the box, and Duo recognized his old comforter. He had a sudden urge to take it from Zechs, to hug it to him like a child who clings to his blanket for security. Zechs must have seen something in his face, because he shook out the cover, then draped it over Duo's shoulders, wrapping him in it like shawl.  
  
Zechs folded him in his arms, and Duo nuzzled against his chest, reveling in their closeness. Suddenly, a sense of security, of belonging surrounded him. He felt warm, settled, as he never had before. His chest ached, but it was a good ache, somehow.   
  
Zechs tipped Duo's chin up with his finger. "What's the matter, baby?"  
  
Duo found he had to swallow before he could manage to speak. "Feels really strange, like...like I've been here forever. Or maybe like I was gone for a while, and I just got back."  
  
"Duo, love, don't you know?" Zechs smiled down at him. "That's what it feels like to come home."  
  
+++++


	2. Watching Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> by RazorQueen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note from Dacia, the archivist: this work was originally archived at [A Little Piece of Gundam Wing](https://fanlore.org/wiki/A_Little_Piece_Of_Gundam_Wing), which closed in 2017. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after July 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [a little piece of gundam wing collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/alittlepieceofgundamwing/profile).

He looks...delicious in his tuxedo. I'm so proud of him, and not just because he looks like sin incarnate in those pants. He doesn't believe me, but no one would ever suspect that he hasn't done this forever. I have to admit, I wasn't sure. As much as I love him, I wondered if he could handle these people, this life. I wondered if I would be able to count on his help.  
  
I needn't have worried.  
  
Look at him, chatting with that industrialist's wife as though he's made drawing-room small talk all his life. Of course, it helps that he's so beautiful. And he has that way _\--_ as I know better than God Himself _\--_ of making you feel as though you're the most interesting, most amusing person he's ever talked to. There's not a woman or a man in this room whose eyes don't light up when he stops to talk to them.   
  
But his eyes only light when he looks at me.  
  
He's all I ever dreamed of. I know that he's perfectly capable of taking care of himself, but he lets me baby him. Most of the time, that is. It seems as though he only resists me when he needs coddling the most. But that's no surprise. He's such a bundle of contradictions _\--_ light and dark, strong and soft, independent and needy, cocksure and frightened. I could spend all my life getting to know him, body and soul.   
  
Smiling? Yes, I suppose I am.  
  
I wonder, sometimes, what I ever did to deserve this, to merit the love of someone like Duo Maxwell. The answer is, of course, nothing. I don't deserve him. But he's mine all the same, and that's the miracle of it. Rest assured I never, ever take it for granted.   
  
Not like I took you for granted, until it was too late, and I'd lost you.  
  
Treize...Treize, I never stopped loving you. Not ever. Not when I realized I was sharing you with Wufei. Not even when I fought against you. I always thought there would be a chance to go back, to set things right. And then you were gone, and I realized what I'd wasted. It hurt for such a long time. But I couldn't mourn forever. I had to live again.   
  
So there he is. My life. What do you think?  
  
I think I've done all right after all.  
  
+++++


	3. Dear Duo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> by RazorQueen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note from Dacia, the archivist: this work was originally archived at [A Little Piece of Gundam Wing](https://fanlore.org/wiki/A_Little_Piece_Of_Gundam_Wing), which closed in 2017. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after July 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [a little piece of gundam wing collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/alittlepieceofgundamwing/profile).

_Dear Duo,_  
  
_I have to wonder if you'll read this letter. It's been two years. But it seems we'll be seeing each other at the wedding and there are things I have to say first._  
  
<Delete>  
  
_Dear Duo,_  
  
_I suppose you've wondered why I left. Why I left the way I did. And probably why I'm writing to you now about it. I'm no good with words--that's your gift--but I want you to know it wasn't you. You didn't do anything to make me leave. And I left you sleeping because I knew that if you wok, and looked at me with those eyes of yours, I'd never have the courage to go._  
  
<Delete>  
  
_Dear Duo,_  
  
_I have to explain now, because I'll never have the courage to tell you face to face. But believe me when I tell you I was only doing what was best for you. I hear you're happy with Zechs, so that proves I was right._  
  
<Delete>  
  
_Dear Duo,_  
  
_You told me once that I didn't have a heart. It's not quite true. I do have one, it's just not big enough or deep enough to love you the way you need to be loved. That's why I left. I could never say "no" to you. I gave you everything you asked for--not that you ever asked for much--but I couldn't give you the one thing that mattered most to you._  
  
_I remember how you looked at me after we'd been together, begging silently with all your soul to hear me say it. And the times when I made myself say it, and I saw the hurt in your eyes that told me that you knew the truth, and that you wondered what you had done wrong. Wondered why you couldn't make me love you. I could see that you were tearing yourself apart to find the answer, but I didn't know how to help you._  
  
_What I'm trying to tell you is that it was never your fault. Anyone would love you. Anyone with a heart, that is._  
  
_Relena's not used to being denied anything, and the novelty of the chase will keep her happy. What I can give will be enough for her. It would have killed you._  
  
_I wish you'd been right, that I didn't have a heart at all. Then it wouldn't have hurt to leave you--or to lose you._  
  
"Hn."  
  
<Delete>  
  
+++++


	4. Need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> by RazorQueen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note from Dacia, the archivist: this work was originally archived at [A Little Piece of Gundam Wing](https://fanlore.org/wiki/A_Little_Piece_Of_Gundam_Wing), which closed in 2017. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after July 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [a little piece of gundam wing collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/alittlepieceofgundamwing/profile).

Thank God that's over.  I don't think I'll ever get used to these things.  I'm still a guerilla at heart, I guess.  Sneak in, blow it up, run away.  That's me.  This schmoozing stuff wears me out.  Zechs gave me a crash-course in etiquette and protocol, but I'm always afraid I'm going to call someone an Honorable who should be an Esteemed, or use the wrong fork, or just generally fuck up and embarrass myself and Zechs in about a thousand different ways.  
  
But Zechs looks happy, so I guess I must not have done too bad.  
  
He looks damn sexy, too.  Zechs Merquise in tails and white tie ought to be against the law. He's so cool and smooth when he's being the Ambassador, and then all of a sudden he'll look at me and there'll be this flame in his eyes, out of nowhere, like a brushfire set by lightning.  Lightning Count, they used to call him.  No wonder.  
  
I yawn and stretch, and then I feel him massaging my shoulders.  Mmmmm...he could do that all night and it'd be okay with me.  Well, maybe not _all_ night.  But I wouldn't argue about a couple of hours of it, anyway.  
  
"Are you tired, love?"  
  
I turn around, and I can't help smiling at him.  All I have to do is yawn, and he goes all mother hen on me.  "No more tired than you."  I reach up and touch his cheek.  "You're working too hard."  
  
"I like working."  His smile is soft and dreamy, the one no one ever sees but me.  "At any rate, it's not work when you're beside me."  He leans down and kisses me on the forehead, like I'm some fancy piece of porcelain that'll break if he presses too hard.  "Come on.  The staff can finish cleaning up.  It's past your bedtime."  
  
I guess it ought to annoy me when he talks to me as if I'm a little kid, but it doesn't.  I know he doesn't really think of me that way, and it makes me feel like he'll take care of me, no matter what.  When you've had a life like mine, that means a lot.    
  
He takes my hand and we climb the stairs.  His hands are strong and warm and, God, I want them on me right now.  I've wanted him all night.  And he asks if I'm tired?  Not bloody likely.  
  
We're barely inside our rooms when he starts kissing me like he's never going to stop.  He nuzzles my neck, and my knees fold when he goes for that spot right under my ear.  His arms slide around me, though, and I know he won't let me fall.  
  
Nobody's ever kissed me like he does.  I swear he must know a hundred different ways, from sweet and gentle to so hard it hurts. And it's always exactly the way I need to be kissed at that moment.  I don't know how he does it—and I really don't care.  All I know is that right now, his mouth tastes so good, better than champagne even, and I'm hungry for it.  I want him to kiss me everywhere and then some.  
  
He works the knot out of my bow tie—I still can't get the hang of that thing—and takes the studs out of my shirt.  Damn, I love it when he undresses me.  He does it like he does everything, perfect and with attention to detail like you can't believe. His fingers just barely touch my skin as he finishes unbuttoning my shirt, and I'm pretty sure he's doing that on purpose, just to tease me.  It's working.  
  
"I watched you all evening." His voice makes me shiver.  It's like a cat purring.  A big, dangerous cat. "I watched the way you move in those pants, and I wondered what our guests would have thought if I'd touched you like this as we went in to dinner."  He skims his palms over my ass and squeezes not quite hard enough, then pulls down my zipper.  "I wanted to do this when we were dancing.  Could you tell?"  
  
He turns me around, pulling me against him, and glides one of his hands down my belly, inside my shorts.  His touch jolts me.  I feel it like I used to feel the bolts of beam cannons blasting Deathscythe, like something that's happening outside me but that still shakes me all the way to my core.  I buck against his hand and make a noise that sounds like I'm strangling or crying or both. I'm not sure myself which it is.  
  
His lips are against my ear, and he's talking to me as he touches me, still in that dangerous purr like nothing ever rattles him.  For a minute, it pisses me off—I can hardly breathe, and he can go on like he's giving a fucking speech.  But he keeps touching and talking, and I can't stay mad at him.  Hell, I can't even think.  I try to ask him for more, but I don't know if the words make it from my brain to my mouth.  
  
"My, my...so hot tonight, little one?"  He's running his fingers over the head of my cock, just enough to make me want to scream and not enough to make me come.  "I love to see you dressed up, do you know that?  Almost as much as I love to see you wearing nothing at all."  
  
He strokes my cock just once and then dives deeper into my shorts to cup my balls in his hand.  He's rubbing his thumb over them, and it's so maddening I want to crawl out of my skin.  
  
"When I had you in my arms and we were waltzing, I wanted to take you then.  Could you feel me?  I felt you—you were so hard that I knew if I stood back, anyone could have seen.  And I think that if the music hadn't stopped when it did, you might have had to excuse yourself to change your trousers, hm?"   
  
He runs his tongue over my ear and I hear myself moaning.  He's right.  When we were dancing, our bodies moved together like a reflection of making love.  But it wasn't just that, not just the way he felt pressed against me.  It was the idea that we were dancing—in public—and I didn't have to be afraid to put my arms around him.  That he wasn't going to push me away if I said too much or got too close. That it was okay if the whole room figured out that I'm crazy in love with him.  It was the way he smiled at me that let me know he feels the same way.  I thought I was going to come right there.   
  
He's still holding me, telling me what he thinks about me, and that turns me on as much as anything he's doing with his hands.  "You're so beautiful," he whispers, sliding his hand under my shirt. His touch lingers on the scars I've collected, pausing over my ribs like he can tell every time I've cracked one of them.  "And so fragile..."  
  
"I'm not—" I try to protest, but then his fingers hook the waist of my shorts and I can't remember what I was going to complain about.  "Please," I beg, covering his hand with mine, trying to guide it to where I need him most, but he doesn't go any farther.  
  
"Do you know how much it excites me to know that you want me?"  I mumble something, but my mouth is having trouble forming words.  "I think you were hot enough that if I'd spread you out on the dining table, you'd have begged for it, wouldn't you?"  
  
I get this visual of me on the table, bareassed naked, my legs wrapped around his waist as he fucks me while the other rooms are full of people.  My brain short circuits.  I jerk like someone just held a cattle prod to the more tender parts of my anatomy.  
  
"Ah ha.  Liked that idea, didn't you?  I thought you would.  I know you, little one.  I know what you need.  And you needed this, didn't you?"  He closes his fingers around my cock.  I whimper.  Oh god, yes, my prince, I need you and your hands and your mouth and your body forever and ever...  
  
"And this..."  
  
He reaches under my shirt and pinches my nipple. Hard.  
  
"Fuck!"  
  
I hear him chuckle at my reaction, but I can't help it.  I'm not sure if I'm protesting or begging.  
  
He's playing with both of my nipples now, and it's like there's a conduit between them and my cock, buzzing with electricity until I feel every nerve ending in my body getting ready to fire.  And then his touch is gone, suddenly, and I'm lost.  I reach for him, half blind with wanting him.  
  
"Shhh, little one.  I've not gone anywhere."  He takes off my shirt, then pushes my pants down.  He pulls my shorts down, too, and I can tell he's being careful with me, now that I'm as hard again as I was when we were dancing.  He lets the cloth barely scrape my skin, and I whimper some more.  He finishes with my clothes, and it suddenly occurs to me that we haven't even made it out of the foyer.  
  
He picks me up and carries me through the living room to our bedroom.  I wrap my arms around his neck and hold tight, not because I'm afraid he'll drop me, but because I need to feel him.   I need to know that this is forever, that it's not one night that we've stolen out of a lifetime of being alone.  Sometimes...sometimes it's still hard for me to believe.  My arms tighten around him and I press my face against his skin. I can still smell his cologne, but mostly what I smell is him, clean and tangy, totally male.  Totally Zechs.  My fingers curl into his hair. Yes.  This is real.  I couldn't make something like this up.  
  
He lays me back on the bed and just stands there for a minute, looking at me.   He pushes my knees apart, touches my thighs, his fingers tracing my skin.  Then he sits beside me, brushes his fingertips across my cheek.  
  
"Tell me what you want.  Tonight is for you."   
  
I don't know what to ask for. I want so much—and so little.  I want all of his heart and body, I want just a touch.  I need him on me, inside me.  Or just to hold my hand.  In the end, I ask for all that I need, now or ever.  
  
"Just love me."  
  
He draws a line with his finger down my cheek, my jaw, my chin.  Then his eyes ignite, and he's the Lightning Count.  
  
"With pleasure."  
  
I watch him strip off his clothes and I have to close my eyes.  If I don't, I'll be finished before he even touches me again. I hear him move, and then before I can open my eyes again, he's on top of me.  Not with his whole weight—he's always afraid of hurting me, no matter how much I tell him I'm tougher than I look.  But I can feel him covering me, and I don't think heaven could feel any better.  
  
For a minute I don't do anything but lay there.  I feel so safe under him.  So warm.  And then he starts moving against me, and I shake from needing him so bad.  
  
He holds my arm down, above my head, while he kisses my neck, his teeth grazing the skin of my shoulder.  His other hand is between my legs, his fingers rubbing the inside of my thighs.  I can feel my control slipping and I try to get away from him, just a little bit.  This feels too good, and I don't want it to be over so soon.  
  
His fingers tighten around my wrist.  "Lie still, little one.  Let me work."  
  
I try.  I really do.  But I can't keep still, not when he moves down to start sucking on my nipple, drawing circles around it with his tongue.  "Fuck," I whisper again, as he catches it in his teeth, biting just hard enough to keep me on the edge between pleasure and pain.  It's a tightrope he loves to walk.  And it comes close to breaking me, like always.  
  
He does the same on the other side, and I've got my hands balled into fists, I'm trying so hard not to come.   
  
"Zechs, please...you're making me...I'm going to—"  
  
"It's all right, baby." He runs his fingers through my bangs as he looks into my face.  "Come for me.  Let me watch you."  
  
He presses his body against me a little harder, and our cocks touch.  I can't hold on any more. I can hear myself groan, feel him holding me still.  I know he's looking at me, watching me lose control, studying every twitch and spasm and whimper.  It's what he wants, to see me this way.  God help me, I want it, too.  I want him to make me helpless.  
  
He whispers again, "Come for me, little one," and his fingers tease me until my brain goes nova and stars explode behind my eyelids.  I feel like I'm being blown apart, but it doesn't hurt.  It feels glorious.  
  
The stars fade, but I can hardly open my eyes.  I take a deep breath and find I'm still shuddering.  I can't even move.  
  
Zechs kisses me.  "I don't think I have to ask if it was good for you, do I?"  
  
I open one eye.  It takes just about all my energy.  "You don't have to sound so damn pleased with yourself."  
  
"Me?  You're the one who looks positively sated."  
  
He moves off me and I roll on my side so I can snuggle up to him.  I put my hand on his chest, and he covers it with his.  His hands are beautiful, long-fingered like an artist's hands, and so much bigger than mine.  I curl my fingers and they disappear under his palm.    
  
I look at our hands, and I start thinking.  Zechs tells me he always gets a little nervous when I start thinking, and I guess maybe he has a point.  It's like once I look under the surface of something, I have to go all the way to the bottom of it.   
  
Something's been nagging at me for a while, like a thought that wants attention. I haven't gone there—been kind of scared to, I guess—but tonight it kind of snuck up on me.  So all of a sudden, there it is, and I'm looking at it, and there's nothing I can do about it.  
  
Zechs can steal my control in a heartbeat, without even trying.  Shit, look at me tonight.  He hardly even had to touch me. And it's not just in bed that it's like that—I catch myself all the time thinking, "Whatever you want" when it comes to making decisions around here.  That was hard to get used to at first.  You really have to believe in someone if you let him have that kind of power over you.  And it took me a while, but I finally learned to trust him.  Trust doesn't come real easy to me—heh, _that's_ an understatement.  Zechs is the only person in my whole life who promised never to leave me, and it looks to me so far like he's planning on keeping that promise. Of all the things Zechs has done for me, the best isn't the fancy house or the clothes or even taking me away from Earth, which was killing me a little more every day even if I wouldn't admit it.  It's that he taught me that I really can depend on him for anything.  _Anything_.  
  
But sometimes I wonder how much he depends on me.  He's always in control, not just of me, but of himself.  I wish he'd let go once in a while—he gets so tense sometimes and I know he just needs to blow up.  Yell, punch something, screw me to the mattress, whatever.  But he won't.  When he's like that, I feel like there's a place inside of him that I can't reach.  
  
Fuck it all, I don't know why I have to think so much.  I always tell Zechs it's not good for a person to think too much, and this is why.  
  
Zechs squeezes my hand.  I know he can tell I got distracted, but it doesn't take him long to get my attention back .  Those artist's hands start drawing designs on my hip, my ass, and I shiver, but it's a good shiver.   
  
"Baby," he whispers.  "I want to take you."  
  
I want it, too, as much as I've ever wanted it.  More, maybe, because of what I was thinking, because he can't shut me out when he's making love to me. I try to nod, but then he kisses my throat, and my head falls back like my neck is broken.  He's holding my wrists down, pressing my arms against the bed.  His mouth bruises mine again, and I feel it all the way down in my belly.  Oh God, I can't ever get enough of him, even if he did just make me come.  
  
He lets go of my hands and reaches for something out of my line of sight.  Then I feel his fingers probing at me, and I know what he was reaching for.  I can feel them, slick and warm with oil, working their way inside me.  I push against Zechs' hand with my hips—I want to feel him as much as I can. He won't quite give me what I want, not yet, pulling back as I push.  
  
He's frustrating the hell out of me, and I'm about to start kicking and screaming.  And then I get this idea.  If he can make me crazy, why can't I do the same thing to him?  
  
I sit up a little and take the bottle of baby oil away from him.  He opens his mouth, about to protest, but I shake my head and move away a little.  I pour a puddle of the oil in my hand, smiling as the scent reaches me.  It smells so...innocent.  
  
Still smiling, I smear the oil over my body, starting with my chest, rubbing slowly until every inch is glistening.   Zechs licks his lips, but he doesn't give any other clue about what's going on in his head.  So I crawl off the bed, pour some more oil in my hand, and go to work on the rest of my body—arms, legs, until the light shimmers on my skin.  He's been watching me, intent but quiet.  I know that's one thing he likes, watching me.  So...  
  
I pour one last pool of oil into my hand, and then I touch myself, slathering the oil on my cock, biting my lip a little because the way my hand slips over it feels way too good.  And knowing Zechs is watching makes it feel even better.  I close my eyes, swaying a little as I stroke myself.  I hear a quiet, hissing breath and I don't think it's mine.  
  
I've almost got him, I'm sure of it.  I turn around so that my back's to him.  With a deep breath, I slide my fingers down my ass, searching.  I find what I'm looking for, and I arch my back a little, wiggling just enough to be a tease.  I can imagine the way his face looks, even if I can't see him, his eyes half-closed, his tongue licking at his lips.  Then I push my fingers inside and I swear I hear him groan.  Or maybe it's me.  Fuck, I can't tell the difference any more.   
  
I wriggle again so my braid twitches across my ass.  I'll admit I'm getting into to putting on a show for him.  I've stripped for him before, danced for him...but nothing like this.  I bend over just a little so he can get a better view as I go deeper.  
  
I hear the covers rustle.  Just a little more, my prince, and then I'll have you begging, just like you always make me.  But he's still silent.  C'mon, show me that I can drive you wild...just one word...  I slide my fingers almost out of my body and then back in again, a slow rhythm like the one he uses to tease me before he really gets serious.  
  
I can hear him breathing now, harsh and ragged.  I have time for one self-satisfied little grin, and then he's grabbing my wrists, pulling my hands away.  Before I have another chance to move, or even think, I'm flat on my back.  
  
He lets go of my hands, but only so he can push my legs apart.  He makes a noise that's as close to a growl as anything else, and then he takes me.  Hard.  It's okay, because I'm ready for it.  More than ready for it.  But...God! He's so...fucking...strong.  So commanding...shit...who was I...kidding?  
  
I'm lost.  Totally.  Completely.  Can't help it—he overwhelms me.  I surrender.  
  
I claw at him, my nails scoring his back.  I admit it to myself, finally, that I need it to be this way.  Need to be totally his.  I can hear my own voice, and I'm the one who's begging.  
  
"Please...oh, please..."  
  
He gives me what I'm asking for, and more.  His teeth graze my skin, a sudden, sharp nip on my shoulder pushing me right over the edge.  I yelp and buck and push against him, and he's whispering my name in my ear, telling me what to do, what he wants to see and hear and feel.  I obey.  
  
And then his hands clench, holding me still, and I can feel him filling me.  I let go, and it seems like a long time before I can breath again.  When I open my eyes, he's there, watching me, playing with stray pieces of my hair.  
  
As good as that was—and don't get me wrong, it was wonderful—I guess I'm a little disappointed that my plot didn't work, and it must show in my face.  
  
"Duo?"  Zechs leans up on his elbow, looking down at me, that little line between his eyebrows that always makes me want to kiss his frown away.  "Little one, what's wrong?"  
  
"Nothing."  Shit, that came out sounding like a little kid who got a whole pile of birthday presents, but not the one thing he really wanted.  I try again. "Honest."  Okay, that was a little better.  
  
Not enough, apparently.  "Somehow, I don't believe you."  He rubs his thumb across my cheek.  "What is it?  Was it something that I—"  
  
"No! No. It's not you, it's me."  I flop over on my belly and start picking at the covers so I don't have to look at him.  
  
He lays right next to me, his face at my shoulder, so I can't avoid him.  Should've known that wouldn't work.  
  
"All right.  Tell me."  
  
I might as well give in now.  He's a prince, damn it, and he always gets his way, sooner or later.  "Well, it's just that..."  Fuck, I'm blushing.  How does he _do_ that?  "I wanted to be able to make you crazy in bed.  Drive you wild.  Like you do me."  
  
"But...Duo..."  He stops and I steal a look at him.  He looks floored, like he doesn't know what to say. "You do."  
  
Somehow, I knew he was going to say that, and I smile, but I'm still stupidly disappointed.  "No, I mean...like..."  Shit, why is it so hard to tell him this?  "Like...you want me so bad it hurts...like you're out of control...the way I am...a-and—"  I'm just making this worse, so I shut up.  
  
And he's having none of it.  "Duo...I mean it.  You do drive me wild."  He combs his fingers through my bangs.  "I do lose control with you."  He kisses my shoulder, I guess because it's the only thing he can really reach without getting a mouthful of hair.  "That's one of the most precious gifts you give me."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"I don't know if I can explain this, but...for me, being in control is being out of control.  Does that make any sense?"  
  
He's lost me.  "No...sorry..."  
  
He leans on his forearm, settling into a more comfortable position, a half-smile on his face.  His eyes are serious, though, and I know this is important to him, so I try really hard to understand.  
  
"My first...instinct, I suppose...is to take charge."  
  
I know that, and I don't mean just with me, at home.  I think about him, his past with OZ.  With White Fang, of his part in the end of the war, something that he never, ever talks about.  He can't help wanting to be in command, it's who he is.  I nod.  
  
I can see from that line between his eyes that he's thinking the same things I am.  "But when I do take charge..."  He looks away from me and his voice is quiet and sad. "Things...go wrong."  
  
Unsaid words hang heavy between us.  Words like Libra...Mars...and the word _I_ don't like to think about—Trieze.  My throat aches and I can't talk, so I just reach for him, but I can't tell if he even remembers I'm here.  
  
"That's why I avoided anything to do with power for so long.  Why I avoided any relationships at all. Things I touched went...sour."  
  
"Zechs, no..."    
  
He looks back at me, a look I don't completely understand in his eyes.  "Except with you...you let me...be your prince.  You let me command you.  And when it was all right—more than all right—with you, I didn't have to be afraid of that part of myself any more. I could risk getting involved with the world again. Do you understand now?"  
  
"I don't know, maybe...but..."  
  
"But what?"  
  
"Well, it's just that...sometimes I can tell that you need to let go.  And I wish you would.  I wish you'd let me be...I dunno...your pressure valve, I guess."  
  
"Don't fret, little one."  He smiles for real, and I can feel it all the way inside, warm, like a campfire in the middle of a cold, dark night.  "You _are_ my safety valve.  You keep me from exploding at all the things that seem like petty foolishness to me, the stupidity and ignorance and waste of bureaucracy, the idiots making policy..."  He sighs and I can feel him tense again.  I rub his shoulders, wishing I could do more.  I'd hate his job—I'd have to kill people on a regular basis, I'm afraid.  
  
All of a sudden, he grabs me in a hug, tight enough that it takes my breath away.  We're so close, I can feel his heart beating.  He cups his hand over the back of my head, presses his cheek against mine, and I can tell there's something real and raw happening, I'm just not sure what, exactly.  But I hold on, just as tight as he's holding me.  And so there we are, for a long time, just hanging on in the dark, and I don't know why, but something keeps telling me not to let go.  Like we're holding one another up above the water, two castaways trying to keep each other from drowning.  
  
And then Zechs whispers against my ear, so softly I feel his words as much as I hear them. "I need you, little one.  Do you understand?  I need you..."  
  
I don't think anyone ever really needed me before.  I've always just been--convenient.  I can't answer for a long time, except to hold tighter.  
  
He pets my head, nuzzles against me.  "Duo? Baby...are you all right?"  
  
I guess he's not used to my being quiet this long for anything short of unconsciousness.  "I...no one ever needed me before.  I don't know what to do..."  
  
I can feel him smile against my hair.  "What you're doing is just right."  
  
"That's good, ‘cause I think...I like it."  
  
Better, even, than driving him crazy. I didn't know Zechs needed me—fuck, he's a prince and I'm an ex-terrorist, ex-street rat, a barely former junk trader and professional juvenile delinquent. Who would have thought he'd need _me_? It makes me feel good inside, though.  Warm.  Proud, even.  Funny how sometimes you get exactly what you wanted even when you didn't _know_ it's what you wanted.  But I guess life's like that sometimes.  
  
Thank God.  
  
+++++


	5. The Invitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> by RazorQueen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note from Dacia, the archivist: this work was originally archived at [A Little Piece of Gundam Wing](https://fanlore.org/wiki/A_Little_Piece_Of_Gundam_Wing), which closed in 2017. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after July 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [a little piece of gundam wing collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/alittlepieceofgundamwing/profile).

Delivered to the Ambassador, March 10, A.C. 201:

 

 

On the same day, an envelope, addressed to Duo Maxwell:

_Duo:_

_As you will be attending the wedding with Zechs, please advise if it would be convenient for you to stand up with me._

_Regards,_

_Heero Yuy_


	6. Zech's Journal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> by RazorQueen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note from Dacia, the archivist: this work was originally archived at [A Little Piece of Gundam Wing](https://fanlore.org/wiki/A_Little_Piece_Of_Gundam_Wing), which closed in 2017. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after July 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [a little piece of gundam wing collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/alittlepieceofgundamwing/profile).

**From the Ambassador's date book**  
  
~~0800 Breakfast with Duo~~  
  
0730 Breakfast meeting with possible investors in L2 renovation project  
  
1000 Keynote speech, Colonial Employment Summit  
  
1200 Policy briefing with staff (working lunch)  
  
1430 Earth shuttle to Paris  
  
1600 Testify, Earth Sphere Reconciliation Act reauthorization hearings  
  
1840 Return on shuttle  
  
~~1930 Dinner with Duo~~  
  
1930 Dinner with Earth Undersecretary of Energy  
  
**From Zechs' journal**  
  
I saw Duo today for 23 minutes _\--_ not counting the half hour since I got home, because he's sleeping. I've come to measure the success or failure of my days this way, in how much time I spend with him. I wonder, sometimes, if I've done him a disservice, dragging him with me on this venture. He says no, that a few minutes a day spent together is better than none at all. And he reminds me that at least we don't have to sleep alone.  
  
He's alone right now, looking almost lost in our bed, but I think he knows I'm here even though his eyes are closed. He's smiling. Did that sound arrogant, that I would think he'd smile in his sleep because of me? Perhaps it is. But it is also true.  
  
It wasn't always so. In our first weeks together, sleep was no respite for Duo. I, too, have fought and re-fought battles in my sleep, watched comrades and old friends and old enemies die again and again, even some who did not die before. But not like him...darker demons haunted his sleep. I don't know all of them; there are some things he has never shared, even now. Some I can guess at, about some I don't even want to try. But whatever they were, they made me glad I had nothing worse to cause my nightmares than blood on my hands.  
  
More than anything else, that is why I couldn't leave him behind. Don't mistake me, the joy he gives my waking hours is greater than any I've ever known. Even simple things have become ecstasy, like lying in bed on those rare mornings when neither of us has an early appointment, doing nothing more than touching and talking. Or laughing with him over something that's pricked the sense of irony we share. Dressing him for an evening reception...he complains heartily every time he has to dress up, but he knows how he looks and what he does to me. I can see it in his eyes and in the way he deliberately twitches his braid so that I can't help staring just where he wants me to. And, of course, he says that the best part of dressing up is knowing that I won't be able to resist undressing him later. I would sell my soul for those moments. But I would die before I abandoned Duo to the devils in his dreams.  
  
I asked at first what it was that terrified him so, and he tried to tell me. But somehow that was worse, when he struggled to find words to explain the horrors that tore at him and shredded his sleep. So I ceased to ask. It was enough _\--_ more than enough _\--_ to hear him cry out, like a child who's been sold to strangers who hid their cruelty under a smiling mask.  
  
I got so that I would wake even before the thrashing and moaning began. I learned what comforted him, and eventually, I could quiet him without ever waking him. That's when he ceased to be haunted, I think. When even in his dreams he knew that he was not alone.  
  
He used to wait up for me, even when we first came back to space, no matter how late I might be. He never said so, but I know he was afraid that the dreams would begin again. I think, too, that some part of him feared I might not return at all...he has been abandoned so many times before that I don't know if that wound will ever completely heal. But gradually, as days became weeks and then months, I would find him dozing on the sofa. And then came the night that I arrived late and discovered him already in bed, sleeping.  
  
I know that for some lovers, this would be a sign that the fires had begun to cool. Not so for Duo. It was, instead, one of the greatest gifts he's ever given me. He trusted me, you see. He trusted that I would come back to him, that I had not left him to the hellfires of his dreams. And his trust is something he gives far less readily than his heart or his body.   
  
Ah...he's awake, but only barely. Yes, little one, I'm home and yes, I'm coming to bed now. Close your pretty eyes, my love, and dream sweetly.  
  
Good night.  
  
_ZM_


	7. Ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> by RazorQueen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note from Dacia, the archivist: this work was originally archived at [A Little Piece of Gundam Wing](https://fanlore.org/wiki/A_Little_Piece_Of_Gundam_Wing), which closed in 2017. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after July 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [a little piece of gundam wing collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/alittlepieceofgundamwing/profile).

Duo followed Zechs into the shuttle, not having to duck his head as his tall lover had. He settled into the seat next to the Ambassador, managing to smile, even, as he buckled his seat belt. But inside, his stomach churned as his mind repeated the same frantic litany that had started with the invitation to Heero and Relena's wedding.   
  
_I don't want to go. I don't want to go. I don't want to--_  
  
Zechs twisted and leaned back to give a few instructions to his assistant in the row behind them, then turned to Duo, smiling. His smile faded when he looked into Duo's face, and he reached over and laid his hand on Duo's knee.   
  
"You aren't nervous, are you?"  
  
"Nervous?" Duo laughed, but he didn't meet Zechs' eyes. "Why should I be nervous?" He picked at an imaginary loose thread on his slacks. _I'm_ not _nervous. I just don't want to go._  
  
"Oh, I don't know. Heero is marrying my sister, and you're standing up with him--which you agreed to do without ever actually having a conversation with him..."   
  
Duo didn't look up. "We're old friends. How could I say no?"  
  
"Old friends." Zechs snorted softly. "Duo, my love...I know you too well. Don't give me this 'old friends' bullshit."  
  
Duo grinned a little in spite of himself--it still came as a bit of a shock to hear Zechs swear. Impulsively, he laid his head on Zechs' shoulder, suddenly needing the intimacy of the gesture.   
  
"It'll be okay." He tried to shrug the whole wedding off. "I'm sure he just asked me 'cuz he doesn't have any other friends." _Yeah, and why me, Heero? Why not Quatre? He'd do it. Even Trowa probably would, for you. He always did think you pretty much walked on water. Why me? Are you that clueless or that cruel?_  
  
"I would think that he's made friends at Relena's court."  
  
"Heero?" Duo laughed. "He's not exactly anti-social, but he's the next thing to it." _He never had any friends, really, never had anyone but me. Of course, back then, I didn't have anyone but him, either, so what's that say for me?_  
  
Zechs wrapped a loose strand of Duo's hair around his finger. "How long since you've seen him?"  
  
"Three years..." _And four months and twenty-two days, and damn you, Heero, that I'm still counting._  
  
"A long time..." Zechs hand fell to his lap, and he looked out the window of the shuttle as the thrusters began to fire.  
  
Duo watched him in silence. _You count days, too, don't you, love?_  
  
Suddenly, his prince felt very far away. Duo reached over and covered Zechs' hand with his own. Zechs turned and gave him a smile, but it looked so automatic that Duo didn't feel reassured. He squeezed his lover's hand, and it wasn't until he felt the warmth and pressure of Zechs' fingers twining with his own that the tight little pain in his chest began to lessen.  
  
Neither spoke for a long time, but finally, Zechs said, "You have to talk to him, you know."  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Stop it." Zechs turned his back on the stars and looked shrewdly at Duo. "You know perfectly well who I mean."  
  
"Zechs... I can't." Duo's stomach churned again at the thought of confronting Heero. The frantic litany began again-- _I don't want to!_ \--but he quelled it with sheer will. "And what's the point? It'll just get everyone all upset before the wedding. Relena already hates me, and that'll just make things worse--"  
  
"You've put it off as long as you can. We're on our way back to Earth--you can't avoid him any more. Are you going to stand up beside him without ever telling him what you've thought and felt over the last few years?"  
  
"Yeah." Duo folded his arms and hunched back into his seat. "Yeah, I am."  
  
"I never thought you were a coward, Duo."   
  
Duo looked up at him, stung. Zechs' voice sounded distant and chill, and it made Duo afraid, and out of fear, he flung the sharpest barb he had.   
  
"When are you going to visit Treize's grave?"  
  
Zechs had been reaching toward Duo, but he jerked his hand away as though he'd been burned. "That's entirely different."  
  
"Really? I have to face up to my old flame, but you don't have to deal with yours?"  
  
Zechs' voice had a harsh, ragged edge. "He's _dead_."  
  
"He might as well still be alive!" Vaguely, Duo was aware that he was getting louder and he tried to lower his voice. _Shut up, you dope. Just shut up. You're going to regret this..._ but when had he even taken good advice, even from himself? "He's still hanging around, coming between us--"  
  
"Duo, stop it."  
  
"--not all the time, but I know you still think about him. Even when you're with me. And you t-talk to him--"  
  
"Stop!"   
  
Zechs' voice was quiet and thunderous at once. Duo cringed. _He's never been mad at me before. Not like this. And it's my fault._ But still he pushed harder, too stubborn and too hurt to quit now.  
  
"You'd rather be with him, admit it. You'd never have left him if he'd lived. I'm just second best. The first runner-up. Or Miss Congeniality, smiling and taking whatever you want to hand out."  
  
Zechs looked like he'd like to hit Duo--or like he'd been hit himself. "You are not 'second best.' I've never said that, never implied it. I don't know where-"  
  
Duo couldn't look at Zechs any more, couldn't bear the hurt and anger on his lover's usually cool, imperturbable face. And even worse, he couldn't handle the possibility of seeing his accusations proved correct. But that didn't stop the indictments from tumbling out of him.  
  
"Tell me it isn't true, then. Tell me you don't ever think about him."  
  
In a voice that stabbed as quiet and sharp as a stiletto, Zechs said, "Tell me you don't ever think about Heero when you're with me."   
  
Zechs still sounded cold and unreachable, until Duo gathered the courage to look into his eyes and saw a flicker of pain and... _uncertainty? No, it can't be...not Zechs..._ Duo blinked. He opened his mouth to retort, but then closed it and looked down at his lap. Suddenly, he felt like pond scum.  
  
"Point."  
  
The silence between them was tense, but as it stretched, the tension seemed to fade a little. At last, Zechs reached over and gingerly touched Duo's shoulder. "Little one...are we fighting?"  
  
"I'm pretty sure we are, yeah."  
  
"Then let's stop. I don't like it."  
  
Duo nodded, miserable. "Me, neither, I hate it, but..." _God damn it, I am_ not _going to start sniffling like a little kid!_ "...you called me a coward..."  
  
Zechs winced. "That was...unfair of me. I had no right to do that. I'm sorry."  
  
As much as Duo wanted to agree, his essential self-honesty forbade it. "Sometimes I fucking hate it when you're right, you know that?"  
  
Zechs frowned, clearly puzzled.  
  
"I am being a coward about Heero. I don't want to talk to him. I don't want to go this wedding. I sure as hell don't want to stand up there with him when he marries Relena--"  
  
"You could have said no." Nothing in Zechs' voice sounded accusatory. He sounded, instead, as though he absolutely meant that Duo could have refused and it would have been all right. "I would have come up with some plausible excuse for Relena-for Heero, if you'd wanted me to. You could have stayed home..."  
  
_I'm never gonna figure you out, my prince...sometimes the rules in this game just don't make sense._ Abruptly, Duo felt terribly weary, but he tried to smile. "What? And pass up a chance to see you in a tux?"  
  
Zechs' answering smile was fleeting, as though he couldn't quite help it. "You see me in a tuxedo all the time."  
  
"Okay, so I'm greedy." Duo was relieved when Zechs seemed to go along with him, and his grin got a little stronger. But Zechs' next words killed the hope that Zechs might be distracted from a topic that Duo had no desire to discuss.  
  
"You're doing it again."   
  
"What's that?" Duo switched from a rakish, crooked grin to his best wide-eyed, innocent look, but his effort failed.   
  
"You're trying to make a joke out of something serious."  
  
_It's better than admitting that I'm afraid. Even to you._ Duo held up two fingers. "That's twice in one fight you've been right, Blondie. You're approaching your legal limit."  
  
"Duo--"   
  
Duo could tell that Zechs' stern face was for real now. "All right, all right." He took a deep breath. _Here goes everything..._ "I am scared to see Heero again..."  
  
Duo wished Zechs had looked surprised at his admission, but he didn't. Zechs said, "What are you afraid of?"   
  
Duo looked down and shook his head. _I don't want you to get mad at me again. I don't want to hurt you...more than anything, I don't want to hurt you._ "Can't tell you."   
  
"Of course you can."  
  
Zechs' patient, reassuring smile made Duo feel like someone had their hands around his throat. _Someday, you're going to get tired of me and my shit. I know you are. And then where will I be?_ He shivered, cold despite the pressurized, temperature-controlled cabin of the shuttle. No point in thinking too much about that-he knew the answer to that question far too well. Hoping Zechs would let him keep his reasons to himself, Duo mumbled, "Just take my word for it."  
  
"Little one, we've opened the box." Zechs lifted Duo's chin. "We can't just stuff it all back in."  
  
Duo managed a pout. "You're getting real close to being right three times, and that's the line."  
  
"Please?"  
  
Duo sighed, giving in. "Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you..."  
  
"I promise." Zechs rubbed Duo's arm, and the warmth of his hand, the gentle rhythm of the touch soothed him. "Why are you afraid to see Heero again?"  
  
Duo closed his eyes, gathering his courage as though he were about to make a potentially fatal jump. He was afraid his voice would betray him again, but he managed to say the words firmly, if quietly. "I'm afraid I'm not over him."   
  
Zechs said nothing, and Duo opened his eyes, looking up at his prince through his lashes, alert for anything resembling a flinch. But the only change in his expression was a tiny, slightly sad smile.  
  
"...ah."  
  
Duo felt his face flush with heat, and his voice took on a desperate edge. "You asked..."   
  
"I know."   
  
Zechs' blue eyes appealed to him for something, but Duo didn't understand what. Whatever it was, it made Duo uncomfortable. More than that-ungrateful. Zechs gave him so much and asked for nothing in return. Just this one thing, that he once and for all put Heero behind him. _So why can't I do it? Why can't I just say 'I'm done' and mean it? Because I'm stupid, that's why. Because I'm afraid I'm going to see Heero, hear him again, and go crawling after him, begging for his attention, just like I always did._ Duo hated himself for his weakness but even more, he hated himself for being to blame for the look in Zechs' eyes.   
  
"Please don't look at me like that."  
  
"Like what?"   
  
"Like I just ran your own sword through you."  
  
Zechs shook his head and covered Duo's hand with his own. "No...no, it's nothing like that." Duo curled his fingers around Zechs', clinging to their warmth. "I was just thinking that you're right, too."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"About Treize." Zechs looked so sad and solemn that Duo's heart ached in spite of his jealousy. "You're right. I've never really faced up to his death. Part of me has been pretending that he's not...gone."  
  
"I really didn't mean you shouldn't ever think about him, regardless of what I said. That'd be wrong." Duo nuzzled his cheek against Zechs' shoulder. "But you have to let go...not of the memories, but of him. You can't hang on to a ghost..." He sighed. "I oughta know..."  
  
Zechs' arm slid around his waist, and Duo leaned into the comfort of Zechs' lean, solid body. "Do you think I'm in love with a ghost, little one?"  
  
"I don't know. Are you?"  
  
"Treize is dead." It was hard for Duo to see Zechs clench his jaw against the grief of that admission. "Whatever I still feel, still think...it doesn't touch my feelings for you. You've no need to be jealous of a dead man."  
  
Duo noticed that Zechs had neatly sidestepped his question. _I guess that means you are...you do still love him...but I guess he's right. Being jealous of a ghost is just plain dumb._  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
"You don't sound convinced."  
  
"I know you love me. I do. But Treize--"  
  
"That's ancient history, my love," Zechs said firmly, as if to end the discussion. Duo had often envied Zechs his ability to say the past was done and not to look back, but at the moment, it gave him an unreasonable itch to slug his prince. "Now, are you going to talk to Heero?"  
  
The stubborn jut returned to Duo's chin. "I already told you I'm not."   
  
Duo expected more arguments, but instead Zechs traced the shell of his ear with his fingertip. Duo felt the flutter from his chest to his groin, and pulled away. "Cut that out. You know I can't think when you do that."  
  
"I know. I don't want you to think. I just want you to promise."  
  
Duo did a credible job of hiding the shiver that Zechs' touch engendered. "That's not very fair..."  
  
"Just promise me." Zechs' leaned close, and his words breathed over Duo's skin, a promise themselves.  
  
_I give up. Why fight it? He always gets what he wants eventually._ Still, Duo's voice quavered. "O-okay..."  
  
"You'll do it?"  
  
"I'll talk to Heero." Duo gave Zechs a sidelong look. "IF..."   
  
"If what?" Zechs interrupted, scowling faintly.  
  
Lifting his chin defiantly, Duo said, "I'll settle things with Heero once and for all--if you settle things with Treize."   
  
Zechs' mouth twisted a little, as if something hurt him, and he swallowed hard. "I wish I could-"  
  
"You can. Go up there...talk to him..." Duo faltered. What was he doing, raking all this up? Wasn't it enough that he had Zechs now? Treize had been dead for a long time. What did it matter now? But it did. _Not just for us. You have to do this for you, or else he'll haunt you forever._ But Zechs looked lost in a way Duo had never seen him look before. Duo's throat knotted just watching him,and he felt guilty and helpless.  
  
All the pain of Treize's death was raw in Zechs' face. "I was wrong earlier, Duo. I'm the coward--"  
  
"You are not." Duo nudged him gently. "C'mon." He looked up at Zechs, eyes wide and plaintive. "For me?"  
  
Some of Zechs' pain faded, and he even smiled a little. "You know I can't think when you do that..."  
  
"I know."  
  
"But it's true. I am a coward. You said that you don't want to talk to Heero. I don't want to go up there. Looking at his name on that stone...it's so final." Zechs traced a finger over Duo's cheek and lips. "But it's not fair of me to ask you to do what I'm unwilling to face..."  
  
"That's four. One more and I'll have to kick your ass, so you'd better just agree with me and shut up."  
  
Zechs laughed at last. "It's tempting to see you try." He touched Duo's cheek again. "All right, little one. For you."  
  
Duo closed his eyes and leaned into Zechs' touch for a moment. "You spoil me..."  
  
Zechs let Duo nestle against his hand, leaning his own cheek against Duo's head. They sat like that a little longer, each quietly absorbed in his own thoughts but taking comfort from the touch of his lover. Duo's stomach jumped a little, and he thought at first it was still nervousness, until he realized that it was the shuttle's subtle deceleration in preparation for descent. _God, I_ have _been away from space a long time..._  
  
Zechs didn't move, but he, too, must have felt the engines cut back. He said gently, "It's your turn. Promise."  
  
"I was hoping you'd forget that part."  
  
Zechs tugged lightly on Duo's braid, his voice teasing, as if their future didn't hinge on this. "Not a chance. Promise."  
  
"I'll talk to Heero. I said I would, didn't I?"   
  
Zechs watched him with those iceberg eyes, so blue and deep Duo could fall into them and never come up for air. _Three-fourths of you is under the surface, my prince. And sometimes I feel like I've barely mapped the part I can see, much less figured out the rest._ The sudden rush of love and longing he felt for this man left him shaken, and he put his head on Zechs' shoulder again, at least in part to hide his face from his prince.  
  
Zechs' hand hovered over Duo's hair, his fingers lightly combing his bangs. "And you'll tell me about it--yes?"  
  
Duo sat up straight, looking at Zechs with dismay. "I'll tell you about it, no."  
  
"Little one, we have to do this all the way." Zechs touched him again, his voice softly cajoling. "No half measures."  
  
"Might as well beat my head against a wall, for all the good it does...." Duo wilted in resignation even as he glared up at Zechs, poking him lightly in the side. "But as soon as I talk to Heero, I owe you one ass kicking." He grimaced. "Okay. I'll talk to Heero AND I'll tell you about it. But you have to do the same..."  
  
Zechs batted Duo's hand away, then caught and lifted it. "It's a deal then," he said, sealing the bargain by pressing his lips against Duo's slender fingers.  
  
The shuttle began its final descent and the huge, blue sphere of Earth swung into view. The shimmering planet, veiled in a lace of clouds, always produced a tangle of emotions in Duo. _I've had some good times here...and some not-so-good ones...but it's always like this, I'm always on the outside looking in...._  
  
As if he sensed Duo's thoughts, Zechs tucked his lover's hand under his arm. "It's going to be all right."  
  
"Yeah." Duo decided not to point out that neither of them sounded especially convinced. "Yeah, a few days and it'll all be fine." He squeezed Zechs' arm and grinned, even if it was all bravado, as the shuttle entered Earth's atmosphere, and they both went to face their ghosts.


	8. Au Revoir

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> by RazorQueen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note from Dacia, the archivist: this work was originally archived at [A Little Piece of Gundam Wing](https://fanlore.org/wiki/A_Little_Piece_Of_Gundam_Wing), which closed in 2017. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after July 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [a little piece of gundam wing collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/alittlepieceofgundamwing/profile).

I hate this place. I know they meant well, Une and Relena and the others. It's a peaceful enough spot, I understand that. And it's beautiful, in its way, if you like open skies and rolling hills. But it's not you.  
  
Bless you, but you always hated the countryside. You hunted and rode perfectly, of course, because hunting and riding were required in the country, and you could never bear to be less than perfect at anything. You laughed and danced and charmed your way through all those interminable shooting parties, always the consumate host, the most desirable guest. But all the time, you itched to go back to the city, to where things happened, where you could make them happen. I have to laugh still, thinking of how ill anything bucolic suited you. Perhaps it's because Nature seemed to be the one thing you couldn't bend to your will. I suppose, then, it's a good thing that you aren't really here. I think even your spirit would be bored.   
  
Maybe that's why I never came before _\--_ you're not here. Not your body, and certainly not your spirit, your ghost, your soul, whatever energy it was that made you Treize. I've never felt that I had to be in a particular place to feel that. And if you were linked to some singular spot, it would hardly be this one, a place you've never visited either in life or death.  
  
So why am I here, then? Why choose this place, of all places, to make my farewells? That answer, at least, is simple. Because Duo asked me to come.   
  
He feels your shade between us, and it eats at him. I didn't realize how much, or how deeply it hurts him that I've never truly let you go. I can't bear to hurt him, Treize _\--_ any more than I can bear to say good-bye to you. And so here I am, pulled in two. As always.  
  
If I listen hard enough, will I hear your voice in the wind? I doubt it...I listened for you for a long time. I can't tell you how many times I waited to hear your laugh, your footsteps, anything to tell me you hadn't left me. And always the same answer _\--_ silence.   
  
So why would I expect to hear you today?  
  
There are silences in my life even yet, but they aren't dead, empty spaces any more. Early mornings, when I wake first and watch him sleeping...lazy Sunday afternoons, when there's no one in the house but us...just yesterday, when he stood beside my desk as I worked and ran his fingers through my hair. He said it looked like a gold spider's web in the sunlight...  
  
He fills the spaces in my life now. That's not to say he's taken your place. No one could do that, not even him. But there was so much emptiness, even when you were still here. We gave so little of ourselves, didn't we? So many things we might have been to each other, had we not been so stubborn, so proud.   
  
But I learned, and I won't make the same mistakes with Duo. I won't let my pride keep me from loving him completely, from accepting the gift of his love. You and I, sometimes we pushed love away with both hands. Not this time. Life is too short...as you and I learned, to our sorrow.   
  
I'm rambling now. But what else is there for me to say about this...about us? I have Duo now, and he has me. I won't let anything come between us, not my stubbornness _\--_ nor his _\--_ nor my pride. Nor you. If saying good-bye to my past with you is what I must do to secure my future with Duo, then...then...I can do it. I can leave you to your peaceful hill and your empty grave. I can.  
  
But perhaps Duo will forgive me if now and then, I still listen for your voice in the wind.  
  
_Au revoir._


	9. Resolutions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> by RazorQueen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note from Dacia, the archivist: this work was originally archived at [A Little Piece of Gundam Wing](https://fanlore.org/wiki/A_Little_Piece_Of_Gundam_Wing), which closed in 2017. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after July 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [a little piece of gundam wing collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/alittlepieceofgundamwing/profile).

How the hell did I let myself get talked into this? Lunch at the palace. The goddamnmotherfuckingsonofabitch palace. With Relena and Zechs. With Relena and Zechs and _Heero._  
  
Fuckin' great idea.  
  
We're waiting for the Happy Couple. Our room _\--_ suite, whatever _\--_ is in a different wing. I've never been here before, and the walk gave Zechs a chance to show me around and talk a little about his childhood. We stopped in front of this big-ass painting of his father. He was real quiet, and I know what he was thinking. As for me, I was wondering if that's what Zechs will look like when he gets old. Weird.  
  
I don't like this place. I mean, I thought our house was intimidating at first. But the palace...shit. It's all long halls with gold-framed portraits, and doors that get opened by guys in uniforms, and furniture that probably cost a fortune but looks really uncomfortable to sit on. I try for just a second to imagine Heero actually living in a place like this. I want to smile because it's such a ridiculous picture, and then I'm thinking about Heero again, and I'm back to wanting to chew my leg off to escape.  
  
Yeah, all right, it helps that Zechs is right here with me. It helps that he has his hand on my back, right by my waist, this possessive gesture that tells the world, "Don't touch, this one's mine." Or at least, that's what I like to think it means. Who the hell knows? Maybe he just likes to play with the elastic on my shorts.   
  
He rubs my back a little. "You're wound tight as a spring, little one." Zechs' eyes look so solemn and sad even though he's smiling. Makes me feel like shit. "It's going to be all right."  
  
"Yeah. I know."  
  
Nice words, but I don't think either of us really believes them.  
  
Three years since I've seen him. Three fucking years, and two of them were hell on earth. I loved Heero and I hated him and I missed him almost every minute of every day until I met Zechs. And any minute, he's going to walk through that door, and I don't know what the hell I'm going to do.  
  
Zechs reaches for my hand. I weave our fingers together and squeeze. I want to let him know that I'm still here with him. I need to let myself know it, too.  
  
He doesn't squeeze back, but he says, "Kiss me."  
  
I do, because we both need it. His mouth takes mine, his arms wrap around me, and he tastes and feels so good, and I'm such an asshole, because I can't help comparing him to Heero. I never needed to compare before. I've never been able to think of anything, anyone but Zechs before when he kissed me. Fuck it all, why does today have to be different?  
  
But it is. I try to remember how Heero kissed, how it felt when he held me, but the memories have faded a little. He wasn't that great at kissing, to be honest. He knew one way _\--_ hard and determined, the same way he did everything. There was always an edge to the way he loved me, and I don't just mean sex. Like he was pushing himself to do something that didn't come natural to him or something he didn't really want to do.  
  
Fuck. It still hurts to think that. You wouldn't think it would, but there it is.   
  
Sex, though...it was hot with Heero, I'll give him that. It didn't matter to him what we were doing or where we were if he decided he wanted it. I lost count of how many walls I've been fucked against, and in how many dark corners and alleys and back seats of cars. He was a horny bastard, Heero was. And I was just as bad.   
  
Damn. I shouldn't have thought about that. I really, really shouldn't have. Thank god I'm wearing a jacket.  
  
Zechs knows, though, because he gives me a Look. He's got this sixth sense about me, I swear he does. He knows me better than I know myself sometimes. A hell of a lot better than Heero ever knew me, that's for damn sure.  
  
So why do I even care about Heero? Why should I give a crap that he's getting married? That I'm seeing him again for the first time since I woke up in an empty bed, staring at his empty closet? I shouldn't. I have a wonderful man, a good man, and I'm hurting him, just by standing here, remembering.   
  
Maybe there's still time, so I grab Zechs' arm. "C'mon. Let's go."  
  
"Go?" Zechs sounds confused, but he takes one look at my face, and he understands. "No, little one. We have to do this. You have to." He touches my cheek, his smile all sweet and serious, and my throat closes up. I'm such a jerk. I don't deserve him, I really don't.   
  
"Zechs, please. I can't _\--_ " I can't do this any more. I can't do this to him any more.  
  
He just bends over and kisses the top of my head, so light I can barely feel it. "You promised."  
  
Fuck. I promised. And not keeping a promise is just like lying. "All right, all right. Where are they, anyway?"  
  
"The wedding is just a few days away. I'm sure they got distracted by some detail or another."  
  
"Sure. Must be." Heh, that makes me smile, anyway. The idea of Heero planning a wedding. And not just a wedding, but the social event of the freakin' century. Maybe there's a god after all. If there is, he has a hell of a sense of humor.  
  
I slip my arm through Zechs'. I need to anchor myself to him. He's my rock, always, no matter what's going on around us, safe and solid and real. It's funny, but when I think back to the night we got together, it's like a fog lifted from my life. Up 'til then, I'd just been wandering around, lost, no point to anything. I can remember that night like it was yesterday instead of months ago.   
  
Raining...seemed like it'd been raining forever. By some miracle, I wasn't between jobs _\--_ a nice way of saying I was busted most of the time _\--_ and I had a couple of bucks, so I'd gone down to grab some caffeine and listen to the jazz and maybe flirt with the waitresses a little. That was about all the human contact I was up to in those days. And then he sent me a cup of coffee. _Coffee._ Other guys _\--_ girls, too _\--_ they'd send me drinks, beer, mostly, but sometimes something fancier. And I'd send them right back. I stayed away from booze back then, hardly ever touched it, especially in bars. I went on a binge right after Heero left and fucked myself over pretty good. When I finally sobered up, sore as hell and in a part of town I didn't even recognize, I swore off it. And when I remembered how that whole fiasco started, I swore off guys who bought me drinks to pick me up. Once was more than enough.  
  
But Zechs, he was different, right from the beginning. Coffee. Seems like a little thing, a meaningless thing, but it meant he asked about me. Cared enough to find out what I wanted, what I liked, which no one _\--_ _no one_ _\--_ ever bothered to do before. And gorgeous...oh my god, he was so beautiful it hurt. I saw him across the room, and there he sat, like some kind of god who decided to slum with us mortals. And he just smiled, like he'd been waiting for me for always. I was a goner from the second I looked into those blue eyes of his.  
  
I love Zechs. Honest to god, I do, like I've never loved anyone. With all my heart, as corny as that sounds. And I know I'm right on the edge of fucking it up forever.  
  
The door opens and my stomach dives down to my feet. But it's not him, it's some stiff who tells us that Her Highness and Mr. Yuy are waiting in the dining room, and would we be kind enough to come with him, please. He bows and scrapes to Zechs, more than people usually do. I jab Zechs with my elbow to tease him, because I know he hates that shit. He's usually pretty good-humored about it, but he just gives me this tight little smile, not like him at all.  
  
All of a sudden, thinking about lunch makes me want to puke.  
  
The palace is huge, but it's not big enough for me, because we get to the dining room way too fast. The stiff opens the door, and in we go. Whee.  
  
The first thing that happens is Relena. She hugs Zechs, of course, and I'll bet she doesn't even notice that he tenses just a tiny bit. Then I'll be damned if she doesn't hug me, too. I don't have time to get tense _\--_ I'm too busy trying not to faint from the shock.   
  
"I'm so glad you came, too, Duo."  
  
Fuck, I'd swear she sounds like she means it. She's probably got a doll of me somewhere, and this way, when she sticks pins in it, she gets to hear me scream. Can't think of any other reason she'd be glad to see me. But she is Zechs' sister, and he tries to keep things smooth between them, so I dredge up a smile and mumble, "Yeah."  
  
Then Zechs has his hand on my back again, pushing me, even though no one else could tell that, and I have to take a couple of steps toward the table or look more like an idiot than usual. When I do, I see him.   
  
Heero.   
  
Heero...  
  
He's wearing a dark suit, a damn expensive one that looks like it was tailor-made for him. He must have a better barber these days, too, because his hair isn't quite the mop it used to be. It still makes me want to reach for a comb, though. My heart jumps, and I decide it's really better not to think about my fingers in his hair.  
  
"Hello, Duo."  
  
"Hey." God, that was brilliant. But what am I supposed to say, anyway? I try again. "Long time no see."  
  
Fuck, that came out a lot more bitter than I meant it to. But at least he has the grace to wince, if only a little.  
  
"Yes."  
  
They just hang there between us, things said and unsaid. There's no real use in pretending that this is just a normal day at the palace, but we all pretend anyway.  
  
"We'll eat on the terrace." Relena walks over, her high heels clicking on the marble floors like the rapid fire of an automatic weapon. She looks different from what I remember, too _\--_ like a woman, not a skinny kid. Maybe it's the cut of her dress that makes her seem older, or maybe it's that we all grew up when I wasn't looking. She hooks her arm through Heero's. "This way."  
  
She must mean that for me, since Heero clearly knows his way around, and Zechs grew up here. I'm the odd man out in this crowd, the one who doesn't know shit about palaces or royal protocol. I take a half-step backwards, just so I can feel Zechs behind me. He's there, like I knew he would be, and I just stand still for a minute, needing to feel the warmth of his body through my suit. I'm so cold all of a sudden. He puts his hand on my shoulder, and I take a deep breath. Okay. Okay, I can do this. I stand up straight. Goddamn it, I'm not going to look like a wuss in front of Heero and Her Royal Fucking Highness.  
  
"Sounds nice. We eat on our terrace a lot. Breakfast, especially." I look back over my shoulder at Zechs. "Don't we?" He nods, managing a smile. Ah, hell, that's no better. Now I sound like I'm throwing it in Heero's face that I'm living with Zechs, and what's worse, Zechs has to know I'm using him as a weapon to try to hurt Heero. How many more ways I can screw this up?  
  
Zechs offers me his arm, and I take it, glaring at Relena and daring her to say something nasty. She doesn't.  
  
We follow them out onto the terrace, and I'll admit, the view is nice. Gardens with flowers and fountains and everything, and beyond that, mountains on one side, ocean on the other. Pretty table, too, with linen and crystal and more flowers. Fancier than at home, but then we don't really like all that frou-frou stuff when it's just us.   
  
Zechs pulls out my chair for me, and Heero does the same for Relena. When we sit down, Zechs' knee presses against mine. I slide my hand under the tablecloth and rub my fingers over it, and finally, I get a genuine smile. I love it when Zechs smiles...when he smiles at _me._ It's like the feeling I used to get after a battle, when I knew I wasn't being chased any more, and I'd found a safe place to land Deathscythe. Maybe I haven't screwed up all that bad after all. Yet.  
  
Relena sips coffee from her china cup. "The rehearsal is tomorrow. There's a small dinner after."  
  
Small dinner. I try not to sigh, picturing what those things are like. More smiling and schmoozing and being on my best behavior. I can hardly wait.  
  
Heero is opposite me. Not like I could ignore him, really, not with just the four of us. But I can feel him looking at me, even when I'm trying very hard not to notice. Unfortunately there's not much but the two of us on this side of the table, and it's look at him or look at the dishes. So I study the damn china, which is ivory with gold and red and blue trim, and the Sanc royal crest in the middle. Bone, too, I'm pretty sure. I could write a fucking book full of useless knowledge like that after a year with Zechs, but nothing I've learned can make my skin stop crawling with the feel of Heero's eyes on me.  
  
He hasn't said a word since we sat down. Not that that's a huge surprise _\--_ it's not like he was ever much of a conversationalist. Not like Zechs...sometimes we just talk. For hours. About everything. Anything. It came as a complete shock to me when I finally got it through my thick head that he wants to know what I think about. I thought he just wanted in my pants _\--_ not that I minded _\--_ but he honestly cares about my opinions. I don't know why, it's not like I'm educated or anything. But he listens to me. Who would've guessed what a turn-on that is, to really be listened to? I used to talk to Heero, but it was pretty one-sided. I have no idea if he ever heard me or not. I kind of think not, especially when I said stuff like, "I love you."  
  
Son of a bitch. What did I ever see in him, anyway?  
  
Relena keeps the conversation going, like she doesn't even notice me and Heero sitting here, dumb as a couple of lug nuts. Zechs answers when he has to, but he's not quite as oblivious to the dynamic on this side of the table. Maybe she's not, either. Maybe it's just that I can read Zechs better. I know he hears every word Heero and I aren't saying.  
  
I have no idea what we just had for lunch, but it gives me a little bit of satisfaction to know that I just ate Relena's expensive food and didn't even taste it. Okay, I'm petty. I've never denied it.   
  
Relena glances sideways at Heero, but she smiles at Zechs. "There are a few things I want to ask you about before the rehearsal." Her smile expands to take in Heero and me. "Royal sorts of foolishness _\--_ protocol and all that _\--_ I know you two won't be interested in the details."  
  
"I can't imagine what help I'll be, but I'm happy to try." Zechs squeezes my hand under the table and stands up. I can't help watching him because I love the way he moves. He's amazingly graceful for a tall man, like those dancers in old movies. I concentrate on his back as he walks away, the set of his coat across his shoulders, the way his hair looks like it's made of sunlight, how his walk always seems full of purpose, like he's still a soldier on a mission. Then they're gone. I'm alone with Heero, and I'm beginning to be suspicious. I think I've been set up.  
  
Heero is still studying me, but he's not talking, and I'm not talking, and we're just sitting here, glaring at each other over the china and crystal and flowers. Or I'm glaring, anyway. This is getting ridiculous, this stupid silence, but I know Heero, and he'll never make the first move. So I do what I always did. I jump into the middle of it.  
  
"So what the fuck were you thinking, asking me to be your best man?"  
  
He blinks, like he wasn't expecting that. Well, what the hell was he expecting?   
  
He takes his time answering, and when he does, his voice sounds like it ought to be obvious. "...that you're the best friend I ever had, and I wanted you with me..."  
  
"Friend? _Friend?_ " God, how dense can one human be? "Heero, in case you've forgotten, we were a hell of a lot more than _friends._ "  
  
Something shows in his eyes, but it's gone too fast for me to be sure of it. "I haven't forgotten."  
  
"Then...why?" It's a big question, because it's got three years of _why?_ wrapped up in it. But as usual, Heero ignores everything but the excruciatingly literal translation.  
  
"Because I missed you."  
  
"You missed me?" I slam my fist on the table, and the china rattles. "Bull shit! You walked out on me without a word _\--_ without a single, fucking word for _three years_ _\--_ and you've got the balls to sit there and say you missed me? You fucking son of a bitch _\--_ " And then, goddamn it, my voice breaks. All of a sudden, I can't hold on to being pissed any more. I just hurt. All the hurt of those years when I had nothing and no one comes back and slugs me in the gut with one humongous sucker punch. It's a good thing I'm sitting down, because my knees would've folded if I weren't. I look back at the doors to the dining room. Where is Zechs, anyway?   
  
"Christ, Heero..." I fold my arms over my belly, like I can still feel it ache the way it did every one of those empty nights. "I wanted to die..."  
  
He looks down, finally, like maybe _\--_ _maybe_ _\--_ he's a little bit ashamed. "But you didn't. I knew you wouldn't."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"I knew you'd live through it if I left. But I wasn't sure you could stand it if I stayed."  
  
Now I remember another reason I couldn't make conversation with him. When he did have something to say, he never made any sense. "What the fuck are you talking about?"  
  
"Duo...why did you say yes? Why did you agree to be in my wedding?"  
  
Why? Because I'm a sucker? Because I like poking at old wounds? I'm not sure what I open my mouth to say, but I _am_ sure I didn't mean to say what comes out.   
  
"Because...because I missed you, too..."  
  
This part is kind of fuzzy, because somehow, I'm hanging on to him, and I think in about two minutes, I could be crying like a damn baby. At first, he doesn't do anything at all, and then he puts his arms around me. I keep trying to talk, but I can't get the words out. Hell, I don't even know what I'm trying to say.  
  
"It's all right now."  
  
Just like Heero to substitute platitudes for something real. "It's not all right. I really hated you, you know. 'Bout as much as I loved you. It sucked, Heero. You don't know how bad it sucked."   
  
"Don't I?"  
  
I can feel his body against mine, I can smell him, his hands are on my hair, and it's all just the way I remembered. This is what I was dreading _\--_ and maybe even hoping for a little. But it feels nice, kind of familiar and comfortable. And then his fingers are on my chin, and he lifts it so I'm looking into his eyes, finally. He always had pretty eyes...  
  
And then he's kissing me. Hard. Just the way I remember.  
  
I freeze. I think I forget to breathe. What the fuck? My brain spins its wheels, the thought "Heero's kissing me" going around and around, until finally it catches, and I jump into gear. I push him back, but not before my stomach flips. Ah, no...  
  
"Heero, are you nuts?" My stomach's gone from a flip to a whole fucking gymnastics routine, and I look at the door. "What if somebody saw?"   
  
"No one did." But he lets go and looks at the door, too, before he steps back. "Duo _\--_ "  
  
I scrub my hand across my mouth, like it's dirty. "What do you think you're doing?"  
  
"...saying goodbye..."  
  
"You had your chance to say good bye! You had it three years ago!" I'm pissed again _\--_ and scared. And my mouth feels swollen and hungry. "Heero..Heero, my life is good. Don't fuck it up for me."  
  
"You do love him, then?"  
  
"Yeah." I look at the door again, and I want Zechs to be here. I just really need to see him. And I hope he's at the other end of the palace, because this is the last place I want him to be. "More than I can stand, sometimes. Like...like it's going to...I dunno...swallow me whole. Like I could just disappear inside it, it's so big, what I feel for him..."  
  
"Did you ever love me like that?"  
  
"...I..." I want to tell him I did. I think I want to tell myself I did and somehow justify those years of wallowing. But I can't lie, not to either of us. "...No. I tried to, I wanted to...but...Heero, why are you asking me all this now?"   
  
"I needed to know."  
  
"You? _You?_ " I grab the back of the chair, not to hold me up or anything, but to keep myself from slugging him. "Is this all about you? What about me, and my life? And Relena _\--_ damn it, Heero, you're marrying her. You're not supposed to be kissing someone else like that!"  
  
Heero blinks. "Like what?"  
  
"Like you just kissed me."  
  
He frowns a little, like he doesn't have a clue what I'm talking about. But when did he? He looks down, and his hair falls into his face, just like it used to when we were younger. It tugs at my heart more than I want to admit.   
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
_I'm sorry._ I've been waiting for years to hear him say that, and now that he has, it doesn't mean quite what I expected. I don't think he really knows what he's apologizing for. This feels familiar, too. Christ, how many times did he frustrate me like this? He never got it, never really understood anything I tried to tell him about me, about what I wanted or needed. It always came down to this _\--_ I'd get mad and lose it, and he'd say, "I'm sorry." And nothing would change. Funny how history repeats itself. But this time...this time, I think I'm fresh out of forgiveness.  
  
"Sorry doesn't fix everything, Heero. And you know what? It never did."  
  
He looks at me again, and I can see he's thinking about that, but it's not making sense to him. "Then what's the point of it? Apologizing?"  
  
"I don't know." I don't know much of anything right now. Except that I want Zechs. I want him to get me out of here, to take me someplace were it's just us. I want him to hold me and talk to me without saying a word. I'm so tired all of a sudden. I'm still standing behind the chair, and I drop my head on my arms. "Maybe there isn't any point. Maybe there never was."  
  
Heero is quiet, but after a couple of seconds, I feel his hand on my head. He pets me, gentle like he used to be those few times when I felt like we were really close. It was those times that kept me going, that made me stay, I realize. It was all I ever wanted from him, that rare gentleness. Maybe I knew even back then it was the closest we'd ever get to really knowing each other.   
  
"Heero _\--_ "  
  
"I'm glad you're happy, Duo. That was all I ever wanted, really. For you to be happy."  
  
I lift my head. "Well, you had a hell of a way of going about it."  
  
"It was the only way I knew. I gave you everything I could. But you deserve more than I was able to give."  
  
"I _\--_ " I sigh. What's the use? It's over, it's done. Whatever I felt for Heero is part of my past, just like running and hiding and hating and fighting and hurting. And I have to give him credit. I think he did try, as much as he could. But he's right. It wasn't enough. It's just that it was all I had.   
  
I straighten up and look him in the eyes. "If you want to kiss me goodbye _\--_ it's okay."  
  
He blinks, and then he smiles for real. Just a tiny, quirky lift of his lips, but for him, it's like a big grin. He leans down to kiss me again, like before, but I shake my head.   
  
"Not like that. Like this." I kiss him once, softly and without lingering. No internal gymnastics this time. Just a quiet, steady feeling that things have worked out the way they were supposed to.  
  
Heero looks at me for a minute, his eyes intense, and I feel like he's trying to fix something in his memory, but I'm not exactly sure what. Then he leans down again and proves that you can teach an old dog new tricks after all.  
  
I feel like I've finally laid down something I've been dragging around for years. I laugh, because I don't know what else to do, but it's shaky and not very convincing. "You're a dope. I don't know what I ever saw in you. Must've gotten hit on the head during the war or something."  
  
"Or something."   
  
"You're really going to get married?"  
  
"I really am. Are you really going to be my best man?"  
  
"Yeah. After all..." Memories come back, things I haven't thought of in a long time. Times during the war, mostly, one of us saving the other one's butt, or hanging out between missions...they're good memories, pretty much, of good times, all things considered. "After all, you're the best friend I ever had, and I want to be up there with you."  
  
I hear footsteps in the dining room, and the terrace doors swing open. It's Zechs, with Relena on his arm. They're both smiling, but I see the same hesitance on their faces. It's weird, how two people can have the same expressions. I feel a little sorry for Relena, because I know what she's getting. But who knows? Maybe it's enough for her.   
  
I look into Zechs' eyes, and I nod, enough to let him know everything is okay. He relaxes, although probably no one else even saw how tense he'd been, and his smile turns real.   
  
"You guys get all the details worked out?"  
  
Zechs nods and slips his arm away from Relena. He holds out his hand to me, and I take it, not because I want to rub Heero's nose in anything, but because I need to touch my prince. My fingers vanish in his, and I feel like I'm home.   
  
Relena takes in the scene, says something about florists, and disappears again. Heero stands there, like he knows he ought to go after her, but he just can't, not yet. He's got something to say, I can tell. Whether he'll ever say it, though, is an even bet.  
  
Zechs lets go of my hand and puts his arm around my waist. I scoot closer to him, settle against his side, and I wonder why I ever thought I might want to be anywhere else. He looks down, and something leaps between us, some spark, some connection I don't really understand. I only know how right it feels.  
  
Heero finally speaks. "You're a lucky man, Zechs."  
  
Zechs' arm tightens in a possessive squeeze. "I know." He glances back toward the dining room, where Relena vanished moments ago. "But you haven't done so badly yourself."  
  
"Hn." For just a second, Heero looks like every guy who's ever been mystified by a woman. It's such a normal look that I think maybe he and Relena are going to be okay after all.   
  
Which is a good thing, of course. But the one I really care about is Zechs, and I was an idiot to even wonder about it. I want to say I'm sorry, but I can't, not with Heero standing here. That would be rotten, and anyway, it wouldn't change a thing, just like I said. I've still been a shit to Zechs, but I'll make it up to him _\--_ somehow.   
  
Zechs and I start to go, but I look back one more time. Heero is still standing on the balcony, the breeze messing with his hair, his hands jammed in his pockets. He has a look in his eyes I don't think I've ever seen before, but still, I know what it is. I know what he's saying.  
  
That's the way our luck has always run. Finally, we get to the place where we understand each other, and the only thing we have left to say is goodbye.  
  
I turn away and leave with Zechs. When we're inside, he stops me. "Little one _\--_ are you all right?"  
  
"Me? Yeah. I'm fine."  
  
"You aren't bullshitting me, are you?"  
  
I laugh, because it just sounds so funny to hear him say say something like that. "I think that's my line."  
  
"You've corrupted me." His fingers stroke my chin, and I'm almost overcome by the urge to rub against his hand like a cat. "How did _\--_ "  
  
"I'll tell you. But later? Right now, I...I just need a little space."   
  
He nods, but shadows still dim his eyes. He doesn't push me about it, even though I can tell he wants to. Damn it, I've tortured him enough lately. I stand on my tiptoes and kiss him.   
  
"Don't worry. It's all okay. I promise."  
  
The last of the shadows disappear, and I put my arms around his neck. We kiss again, then I just snuggle against his chest for a minute. And after a few heartbeats, it's like something just... uncoils--something tight and hard and ancient lets go and slips away, and I want to laugh. I'm free of the past, or of that part, anyway. Okay, maybe I'm just a little bit hysterical, but I'm free, too. It's like being able to breathe again.  
  
"Little one...?" Zechs pulls away just enough to look down at me, a faint, worried line forming between his perfect brows.   
  
"Let's go home." Back to our rooms, home, it's all the same just now, because Zechs is here and I'm okay. I'm really, actually okay.   
  
Funny. I always thought that I was the one teaching Heero stuff about relationships. But today, he was the one who knew how to let go, so I could, too.  
  
So good bye, Heero. And...thanks. For everything.


	10. The Gossip Column

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> by RazorQueen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note from Dacia, the archivist: this work was originally archived at [A Little Piece of Gundam Wing](https://fanlore.org/wiki/A_Little_Piece_Of_Gundam_Wing), which closed in 2017. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after July 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [a little piece of gundam wing collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/alittlepieceofgundamwing/profile).

_...seeing ghosts? "If all the guys in the next world look like that," Matsushita said after her close encounter of the ectoplasmic kind, "the afterlife is going to be hot." Somehow, I don't think that's what my Sunday School teacher meant..._  
  
_**Royal Flush**_  
  
_The Sanc royals turned out in force at the gala celebrating **Princess Relena's** upcoming nuptials to former Gundam pilot **Heero Yuy**. Her Ladyship gushed with old school pals and showed off her rock to most of Europe's upper crust. Far be it from me to repeat gossip, my deahs, but rumor has it she, not her beau, ordered that trinket from Europe's most exclusive designer AND paid for it herself from the royal treasury._  
  
_The future Prince Relena stayed close to war buddies **Trowa Barton** (no relation to the mega-rich Bartons) and **Quatre Winner** (heir to the multi-mega-rich Winners). All three Gundam boys looked luxe and luscious in their white ties and tails, downing their Dom Perignon and trading post-war stories. Too bad for the ladies (and dudes) eyeing them, those flyboys are off the meat market--pretty permanently, from all appearances. Always the gentleman, the dapper Q.W. tripped the light fantastic with a few of the Princess' chums, but somehow always wound up back at luvvie Barton's side when the music ended. Nice trick, that..._  
  
_And speaking of luscious luvvies... **Prince Milliard** and his sassy S.O. **Duo Maxwell** turned more than a few heads themselves with their fashionably late arrival at the ball. Be still my heart! The heavenly hunks tried to slip in unnoticed, but this is a couple that stands out in a crowd, lay-dees and gents. The par-tay was in full swing when the heartbreaker Hair Pair sashayed in. Did my eyes deceive me, or did D.M. look just slightly--and deliciously--mussed? And did His Highness look more than slightly satisfied? Whatever their pre-party activities included (and you won't catch moi speculating), once in the public eye, they were the picture of well-behaved romance. Unless you just happened to notice that Prince Mmm never seemed to have both hands above board at the dinner table--and that his totally edible honey blushed and squirmed a time or six during the banquet. _  
  
_Wonder what the groom thought about all those hormonal hi-jinx, considering the de-lish Duo used to be his b-f? What a tangled web the royal crowd weaves! But if you ask me, and of course you were going to, I think His Royal Hunkness got the better deal. That Maxwell boy is one sex-ay little package._  
  
_Cheers to both the royal couples (even though it looks to this unbiased observer like the only common interests the Princess and her gorgeous bro share is a social conscience and a taste for yummy ex-Gundam pilots)._  
  
_**Working 9-to-5**_  
  
_My unnamed studio sources tell me that new office romance pic (c'mon, guy and gal friends, you know which one I mean) is likely to get an NC-17 stamp for some pretty hot-to-trot scenes. Word on the street is that at least one of the actors complained that the script was "too corny"..._


	11. Gifts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> by RazorQueen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note from Dacia, the archivist: this work was originally archived at [A Little Piece of Gundam Wing](https://fanlore.org/wiki/A_Little_Piece_Of_Gundam_Wing), which closed in 2017. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after July 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [a little piece of gundam wing collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/alittlepieceofgundamwing/profile).  
> \-----------  
> Author's Note: I know that Zechs would say "football," not "soccer," but as that would create the wrong picture in the minds of American readers, I have opted for the less accurate but more universally understood (I hope) use of "soccer."

Duo's back arched with pleasure at the warm, intimate sweep of Zechs' tongue, his legs sprawled wide in wanton abandon. _So lovely..._ He traced the rim of Duo's entrance with his fingertip, then again with his tongue, savoring his little one's moans, the infinitesimal twitching of muscle and flesh. "Mine," he whispered, feeling suddenly, fiercely possessive of the pale, slender body spread before him like an offering to a fortunate god.  
  
"Oh, yes...yours..." Duo reached toward Zechs, his fingers catching in the cornsilk hair that tickled his thighs. " _My_ prince..." Zechs heard the same covetous note in Duo's voice, even though his lover's words came as a soft sigh, barely audible, even in the quiet of their bedroom. Nothing could have made him happier.  
  
Zechs caught the soft flesh of Duo's inner thigh in his teeth, biting hard enough to leave a mark, then soothing the spot with his lips and tongue before leaving a scattering of bites to mark the ivory skin. "All this is mine..." He nipped lightly at Duo's balls. "...and these are mine..."   
  
"Nnn..." Duo writhed and gripped the sheets, twisting the silk in his hands. "Ahh...Zechs, please...?"  
  
Ignoring his lover's plea, Zechs licked at the drops of clear liquid seeping from Duo's sex. "...and this is mine..." His fingers followed the cleft between Duo's buttocks to his entrance, teased him with the promise of penetration. "And most especially this..."   
  
Duo tried to speak, but his words dissolved into a strangled moan. He wriggled and pushed against Zechs' hand, but to no avail. Zechs denied him more than a steady rubbing that enflamed without satisfying. Duo opened his mouth again, drew a sobbing breath before managing another "Please?"  
  
Zechs took another taste before he lifted his head. "So soon?" He traced a teasing line with his fingertip, connecting the love bites on Duo's thighs. "But I've barely begun."  
  
"Can't help it. Need you _now_."  
  
Zechs smiled at Duo's demand, combing his fingers through his curls. "Sometimes I think I shouldn't spoil you so." _But I take such pleasure in it._ Just as he took pleasure in knowing that Duo would never beg for anyone else. _Only for me...what have I ever done that I deserve you?_  
  
His body urged him to end their game, but Duo's begging intoxicated him, and he couldn't resist wringing one more plea out of him. Even with his own self-control in immediate jeopardy, Zechs stroked Duo's twitching hardness. Duo lifted his hips, rubbing himself against Zechs' hand. Zechs allowed the contact, but only momentarily. Whining in frustration, Duo fell back against the bed.   
  
"C'mon... _please_? More?"  
  
"Like this?" Again, Zechs' fingers barely grazed Duo's flesh.   
  
_"Zechs..."_  
  
With a last taste, Zechs lifted himself, and Duo caught him, wrapped his legs around his waist. Zechs leaned down and kissed his love, his body brushing maddeningly against Duo's hardness. "Afraid I'll get away?"  
  
"Not taking any chances."  
  
"No need to worry, little one--I'll never leave you."   
  
Duo's eyes softened, and he reached up to rub his fingers over the stubble on Zechs' chin. "...love you..."  
  
"Love _you."_ Zechs turned his head slightly to kiss Duo's fingers. His eyes widened in surprise when those fingers caught a substantial hank of his hair and pulled.   
  
"Then fuck me, damnit!"  
  
Laughing, Zechs reached for the oil on his nightstand. "All you had to do was ask..."  
  
"Ohhh....you!"   
  
Duo pulled him down, trembling from pain and pleasure as Zechs entered him, fingers digging into the backs of Duo's knees. Zechs began to move, slowly at first, then faster and with more force.   
  
"You feel so good, little one...so good..."  
  
Holding himself back until Duo had his satisfaction took all his concentration, but concentrating was so difficult when he was inside that little body and his love was mewling like a newborn kitten and moving with him like they were one and all he wanted to do was let go and then his little one was crying out and pushing and coming and he was so tight and so hot and so _tight_ and...  
  
"Duo!"  
  
Zechs shuddered, his vision clearing as the last waves of his climax ebbed, leaving him drained. Slowly, he became aware of the slight body beneath his, and he gathered his strength to roll away. _Not that I want to, but I'd hate to crush you..._ With a sated smile, Zechs ran his hand over the curve of Duo's slim waist. _My treasure...my beloved little one..._

* * *

"Don't. Want you here." Duo wrapped his arms around Zechs when he felt him about to move. He sighed happily, the weight of his prince's body making him feel sheltered and safe. Nuzzling his cheek against Zechs' rougher one, he said, "I can't get over how you do that."  
  
"Hm?" Zechs sounded sleepy and content. "Do what?"  
  
"Love me."  
  
"How can I help it?"  
  
"I don't know, but I stopped questioning my luck a long time ago." Duo played with the ends of Zechs' hair. "Y'know what else?"  
  
"What?" Zechs did roll off him, but only to lean on his side, facing Duo. His eyes were contented and his smile soft and drowsy. This was one of the few places they didn't mesh exactly; after making love, Zechs preferred to cuddle and fall asleep. Duo, on the other hand, wanted to savor the intimacy, and to keep Zechs awake, resorted to chatter.   
  
"Christmas is coming."  
  
"So it is." Zechs trailed his fingers across Duo's chest, apparently fascinated. "A little different from last year, no?"  
  
Duo sighed with pleasure as the tips of Zechs' fingers brushed over his nipples. _Mmmm...do that some more..._ "Yeah, I thought that, too. Funny the difference a year can make...last Christmas, I was still trying to convince myself you might want me."  
  
"And have you finally come to a conclusion?" Zechs smiled, obviously suffering from no doubts about Duo's answer.  
  
"Yeah, and you don't have to be so damn smug about it." Duo grinned, teasing Zechs with his braid. "Hey...what will we do about a tree? Do you think we can get one here? We have to have a tree again."  
  
"Of course we'll have a tree. We'll have ten trees if you want them." Zechs stretched and yawned. "Damn house is big enough."  
  
Duo laughed, excited as a child at the prospect. "And Christmas cookies?" Duo frowned a little, thinking. They'd have to ask Mrs. Gillis, their housekeeper and cook. He still hadn't quite gotten used to the idea of a housekeeper and kept feeling like any request was a burden. Not that she ever seemed to mind at all--on the contrary, she appeared to enjoy doing things for him and Zechs. "D'you think Mrs. Gillis would bake cookies?"  
  
Zechs smiled, his head sinking back against the pillow. "So you have visions of sugar plums dancing in your head, eh? No, I don't think she'd mind--I think she'd be crushed if we didn't ask." He rested his hand on Duo's flat belly. "Not disappointed that you won't have a white Christmas this year?"   
  
Duo shivered at the memory, not just of the snow, but of the aching loneliness of last Christmas Eve. "No! One was enough for me. Snow is pretty, but it's _cold_."  
  
"I don't mind that so much, since it gives me a chance to keep you warm. And no doubts this year about how much I love you?"  
  
"Not a one." Duo wriggled until he could lay his cheek on Zechs' broad chest. "And the best part of all is that we'll get to be together this year, the whole time. We can really get into it. That'll be so awesome."   
  
"Awesome, indeed." Zechs wrapped an arm around him, holding him close. His blue eyes blinked sleepily and closed, and Duo thought he'd fallen asleep. But after a moment or two, he opened them again. "What can Santa bring you this year?"  
  
"Can't think of a thing I want." _Except you, forever and ever..._ He clung to his prince, still superstitious enough to fear that someone--or something--might try to snatch him away.   
  
"Not a thing?"   
  
"Nope. I've got all I need right here."  
  
Zechs' pleased smile told Duo he'd given the right answer, but he persisted. "Really...isn't there anything you always wished for and never got?"  
  
"Oh, hell, yes. Tons of stuff." His stomach still hurt whenever he remembered his childhood, where Christmas was just one more thing other kids had and he didn't. He scarcely recollected the details, unable to conjure many images of those bleak years, but the pain still haunted him clearly enough. He pressed against his lover's solid warmth until the happiness of the present eased the ache of an empty past. "And you've given it all to me already. But what about you?"  
  
"Me?"  
  
"Yeah...was there ever anything you wanted and you didn't get?" Zechs shrugged and laughed, and Duo pounced on him, sprawling over Zechs' lean body, his old loneliness forgotten. "There was, wasn't there? You're holding out on me!"   
  
"Since I'm being held hostage...yes, as a matter of fact, there was something..." Zechs looked up into Duo's face and smiled sheepishly. "But it was a silly thing. Nothing, really."  
  
"C'mon. Tell me. What was it?"  
  
"As I said, it was a small thing...just a soccer ball. The game fascinated me, but naturally, I wasn't allowed to play. My tutors thought it would distract me...it probably would have, and to play with a team of other children would have taken so much security..."  
  
"That doesn't seem very fair."  
  
"I was very young. I didn't understand then. Of course, they were right."  
  
"Still doesn't seem fair."  
  
Zechs settled his arms around Duo, making no attempt to move the slender body off him. "Little one, it's not as though it scarred me for life."  
  
"But you still remember. So it must have meant _something."_  
  
"It probably meant that I was a spoiled brat who was used to getting his own way." Zechs blinked a few times, obviously trying-and failing-to keep his eyes open.   
  
"Oh, yeah. I'm sure that's why you remember." _NOT. If there's a spoiled brat in this bed, it isn't you._ Zechs didn't respond, and Duo thought he'd finally dropped off to sleep after all. He smiled and stroked a lock of blond hair that fell across his prince's chest, then traced the faint lines on Zechs' forehead. _You work too hard. I ought to make you take a break, forget about Earth and the Colonies for just a little while._ Duo sighed at the limits of his power. _Yeah, right...even I can't get you to do that._ But that was Zechs--he'd always felt responsible for someone, his country, his planet... _for me...Okay, I don't want to change that. I like being taken care of, no doubt about it. But I wish I could do more to take care of you sometimes..._ Duo slid his arms around Zechs' neck, hugging him, as though he could protect him from the demands of peace.   
  
Zechs lifted his hand from Duo's shoulder to caress his cheek. "Now what are you thinking of, little one?"  
  
Duo nuzzled Zechs, licking lightly at his warm skin, still faintly damp and salty with perspiration from their loving. "Just you."   
  
Zechs petted Duo's head for a little while, and when he spoke, his voice sounded much less tired, but somehow more weary. "I envy you, you know."  
  
"Envy me? What the hell for?"  
  
"You live in the moment so easily. I've learned from you, or tried, but still...it seems like I'm always looking forward, to what could happen, all the things that might go wrong...or backwards..." Zechs sighed. "I wish I knew how you keep the past from dragging you out of the present."  
  
"Well...I don't always." He felt his face warm when he remembered all the anguish he'd caused them over Heero and Relena's wedding. "But you have a lot more past than I do."  
  
"Four years hardly constitutes a lot."  
  
"Don't get so touchy, old man." Duo rubbed his nose against Zechs' shoulder. "No, that's not what I meant...not personal history. Just...history. You've got your own shit, sure. We all do. But you've also got your father's, and his father's, and _his_ father's, all the way back. Christ, Zechs, I saw that family tree thing when we were in Sanc--it goes back, like, a thousand years pre-Colony. That's a hell of a lot of past, you know?"  
  
"Yes..."  
  
"No wonder you always feel it pulling you. Me, on the other hand...there's just me, and my life, and what I can remember. Which isn't all that much, when you come down to it. A lot of it just kind of runs together, especially when I was real little. Not much detail there, just mostly 'cold' or 'hungry' or 'scared.' I don't mean I haven't picked up some baggage, I have, and no one knows that better than you. But it's just my baggage, see? It's a hell of a lot easier to chuck twenty years than it is twelve hundred."  
  
"I read once that your past can either be an anchor or a deadweight."  
  
"Makes sense. But either one is damn heavy and drags you down. Once in a while, it's not so bad to cut loose from it altogether."  
  
"Good advice. You're awfully wise for such a young thing."   
  
Duo again felt his face grown warm, but he snorted disdainfully. "Yeah, right."  
  
"You're so pretty when you blush..." Zechs stroked Duo's cheek, and Duo's blush deepened. "Do you miss it, though?"  
  
"The weight? Nope. The anchor..." Duo shrugged. "Maybe. I don't know--how do you miss what you never had? I used to wonder, sure, but...not much point, really." He rested his forehead against his prince's, rubbed noses with him. "And anyway...as far as I'm concerned, my past started the night I picked you up and took you home with me."  
  
"You picked me up? Who bought coffee for whom?" Zechs tugged on Duo's braid. "Who got in whose pants first?"  
  
"All right, all right... _you_ picked _me_ up. But I did take you home with me."  
  
"So you did." Zechs wrapped his arms around Duo's slender body. "And I've been home ever since."  
  
"You're a sap." Duo kissed him. "But I love you."  
  
Zechs skillfully maneuvered Duo off him finally, but he kept him close to his side. He started to speak, but a yawn interrupted him.  
  
"You'd better get to sleep." Duo rolled over on his stomach and smiled up at Zechs guilelessly. "Old guys like you need to conserve their strength."  
  
Zechs swatted Duo's bare ass. "I'm strong enough to keep young whippersnappers in line."  
  
"Owww...hey..." Duo squealed at the sharp smack and covered himself with his hands. He pouted. "I thought you'd be too tired for that."  
  
With one hand, Zechs caught Duo's wrist, and with the other, rubbed the tingling spot on Duo's rump with a playful but tangible threat. "Are you going to behave?"  
  
Duo wriggled and grinned impishly. "I dunno...that was kind of fun."   
  
"You're completely unmanageable. Unfortunately, you're right. I _am_ too tired for that." Zechs released him and pulled the covers over them both, then turned off the light. "Now sleep." He turned Duo's face toward him and gave him a lingering kiss until Duo relaxed. "I love you, little one."  
  
Duo sighed happily and settled into bed at last. Zechs never went to sleep or let him go to sleep without telling him, even if it meant a subspace call. _Not like I need for you to say it to know, but it's awfully nice to hear._ "Love you right back."   
  
Lulled by his prince's warm body and by the security the little ritual always gave him, Duo drifted into sleep, scarcely conscious of the dark, blank ache of his past.

* * *

Their last guests left a little before midnight on Christmas Eve. It had been a small party, with only their closest friends, but Zechs was content to see them depart. After showing them out, he returned to the formal living room where Duo gathered up dishes and glasses for Mrs. Gillis. A fire burned in the fireplace--or at least, appeared to. It was only a holographic fire, since the lack of winter weather on the Colony would have made burning gas or wood uncomfortably hot. But it looked and sounded like the real thing, and Duo had declared that a fire was a necessity for Christmas, claiming as his authority any number of Christmas cards and ancient movies. And since Duo wanted a fire for Christmas, a fire they had.   
  
Zechs smiled when he caught Duo in the act of stealing one last Christmas cookie from an enormous silver tray before stacking a pile of dirty plates. He dimmed the lights until only the fire and the enormous Christmas tree illuminated the room. Duo looked up from his task and smiled. The party had been a "fancy-dress affair"--an insult coming from Duo, although this time without the usual expletives--and he wore his evening suit. He had his hair loose, and it hung down his back in thick, shimmering waves. As always, Zechs's body responded with a fiery jolt and his heart with that peculiar squeeze that was somehow needy and satisfied at once.   
  
Duo put down the tray he'd been about to take to the kitchen. "Thought since I looked like a waiter, I may as well act like one."  
  
"You look enchanting, as you well know. Come have a glass of wine before we go upstairs." Zechs poured two glasses and sat down on the sofa.  
  
"Yes, Your Highness." Duo immediately settled next to Zechs and took a glass from him. He nuzzled against Zechs' shirt. "Damn, you smell good."  
  
Zechs chuckled, then clinked his glass against Duo's. "To us."  
  
"To us." Duo took a sip of his wine, then laid his head on Zechs' shoulder, his hair spilling over both of them. "If life gets any more perfect than this, I don't know how I'll stand it."  
  
"I'm sure we'll find a way."  
  
They drank their wine in silence, listening to the carols playing softly on the stereo. Zechs put his arm around Duo and played with a strand of his hair, holding it up to watch it catch the light. He sighed, but it was a sigh of utter content.  
  
Duo looked up, searching his face. "You okay?"  
  
"Much better than okay. I was just thinking how Christmas Eve never seems to last long enough. I've always liked it better than Christmas Day."  
  
"Really? What was so special about Christmas Eve? What did you do?" Duo set aside his glass and curled up under Zechs' arm. "Tell me a story." He looked up at Zechs through long, thick lashes, as eager as a child asking for a favorite fairy tale.  
  
"When I was a boy...before..." When Zechs paused and cleared his throat, Duo felt for his hand and gave it a squeeze. Zechs twined their fingers together and went on, his voice steady again. "Before the Alliance came, we each opened just one present before going to midnight mass...there was something about that one present that always made it seem the most special, even after we opened all the others on Christmas morning...and then later, during the war...I always thought that Christmas Eve was the one night when peace actually seemed possible..."  
  
Duo sat up and kissed Zechs' cheek. "And look. It's Christmas Eve, and we really do have peace. And it's thanks mostly to you." He smiled and wrapped his arms around his lover's neck, then kissed him again, this time on the mouth and with more than a hint of passion. "We could start a few Christmas traditions of our own, you know."  
  
"Mmm." Zechs caught Duo's lip in his teeth and sucked on it before he asked, "Did you have something particular in mind?"  
  
"Don't I always?" Duo slid onto Zechs' lap and ran his hands through Zechs' quicksilver hair. He straddled Zechs' thighs, loosely crossed his wrists behind the prince's neck. "This is much better than sitting on Santa's lap."  
  
Zechs cupped his hands over Duo's bottom and rubbed his thumb over the seam of his trousers. _How well you fit here, like you were made for this...for me._ "If Santa had elves that behaved like you, he'd never get any toys built."  
  
"Oh, they'd still make toys...but for grown-ups." Duo nipped at Zechs' chin. "And speaking of toys..."  
  
"Hm?" The shell of Duo's ear distracted Zechs. He pushed aside the heavy curtain of hair so he could trace the curve with his tongue, satisfied when he moaned softly and shivered.  
  
"Toys....ohhhh..." Duo tipped his head back to let Zechs suck at his neck. Zechs opened the first button of Duo's dress shirt and dipped his tongue into the hollow of his throat. Duo mewled like a hungry kitten and tilted his hips to press against the muscles of Zechs' stomach. "Nn...Zechs...wait a minute, before we...there's something..."  
  
Zechs rubbed his thumb over Duo's swollen lips. "What's wrong?"  
  
Duo took a deep, shuddering breath and pulled away a little, but he was smiling. "Nothing. There's just something I wanted to do first, before we get too carried away."  
  
"What?"  
  
Duo's smile turned mysterious. He kissed Zechs on the tip of his nose, then slid off his lap. "Just wait here. I'll show you."  
  
Zechs watched, curious, as Duo turned and ran from the room, his hair streaming behind him, listened as the heels of his boots clattered on the floors and pounded up the stairs. _I still don't know how one little body can make so much noise..._  
  
Barely a minute passed, and he again heard the wild staccato that was Duo in a hurry. A few seconds later, Duo reappeared, poking his head around the wide arch of the living room door. "Close your eyes."  
  
Obediently, Zechs shut them. He listened, acutely aware of the smell of Duo's shampoo, the only scent he ever wore, and of the soft rustle of his clothing, his approach as silent and stealthy as it had been boisterous a minute ago.   
  
"Okay. You can open them now."  
  
Zechs opened his eyes as Duo thrust a box into his hands. He'd clearly wrapped it himself with unpracticed but painstaking care. The edges of the paper were sharply creased, but one end of the cube-shaped package had just barely enough paper to cover it, the other wrapped halfway around the bottom of the box. The loops of the bow listed just slightly off-kilter, none of them quite the same size. Zechs thought of other gifts he'd receive in the past, presented more beautifully perhaps, but not with more love. He ran a finger over the ribbon, smiling.   
  
"Open it!" Duo bounced on his toes as he watched Zechs with eager, apprehensive eyes.   
  
Zechs unwrapped his gift, his smile softening from amusement to tenderness as he opened the box. "Ah, little one...you remembered."   
  
"Well, geez. You remember every time I say I like something. I-I just hope it's special enough...for Christmas Eve..."  
  
Zechs heard the question in his lover's voice. "Any gift from you would be special enough...but this is perfect." He lifted the ball out of its box and tossed it a little. A sudden sense of mischief bubbled up inside him, as though he were about to get away with something forbidden. He flashed Duo a roguish smile. "Let's play."  
  
"Now?"  
  
"Why not? Come on." Zechs pulled him out the wide doors onto the terrace. He tossed him the ball. "Throw it to me."  
  
Duo caught it and grinned. He looked down at his formal clothes. "Funny uniforms, these...okay, ready? Here you go."  
  
Duo tossed the ball toward him. Zechs received it, cushioning it with his head as it came down, controlling it so that it bounced from his thigh to his knee. He laughed out loud. "I always wanted to try that."  
  
"Hey, you're not half bad. You're sure you've never played?"  
  
Zechs shook his head. "Never. But I've watched a lot...and..." Embarrassed to admit his nonsense, he ducked his head and picked up the ball.   
  
"And what?"  
  
"Well...I have practiced the moves...just...not with a ball...I used to stand in front of the mirror for hours, copying moves I saw players make on television..."   
  
Duo hugged him, smiling without the faintest hint of mockery. "Now you can practice for real."  
  
"Yes, I can." Zechs' chagrin evaporated in the face of Duo's understanding. "Come on--try again?"  
  
"Sure...but I warn you, I don't have a clue about this."   
  
Zechs put the ball on the ground between them, then pointed to two metal chairs behind Duo. "The goal you're defending is between those two chairs."  
  
"Okay, defending...now that I can understand." Duo waited, expectant but obviously uncertain as to how, exactly, he was supposed to defend the "goal."  
  
Zechs kicked the ball a little, controlling it with his feet, his natural athletic ability compensating somewhat for his lack of experience. As he approached Duo, he kicked the ball again to pass it between Duo's legs, but as he rounded him, Duo tried to kick it back. Their legs tangled, and after a brief, tottering moment, they crashed in a heap to the ground. Laughing, Zechs snared Duo and rolled onto him, pinning him to the ground.  
  
He felt Duo beneath him, his warmth, the quickness of his breath, the beating of his heart. Their faces inches apart, Zechs whispered, "That, my love, was a tackle. An illegal move..."  
  
Duo's answer was equally breathless. "Was it, now?"  
  
"Oh, yes. And so...you must be penalized..." Zechs pressed his lips against Duo's, his kiss hungry and searching.  
  
When he lifted his head at last, Duo blinked, his eyes soft and unfocused. "That was a penalty?" He broke into a smile, the crooked grin that always made Zechs smile in return. "I think I like this game."

* * *

Duo's throat ached in spite of his wide grin. _I've never seen you like this, like you don't have a care in the world._ Even when they were alone together, it seemed to Duo that Zechs never completely lost his awareness of all he had to accomplish, of the pressure on him to maintain a fragile peace. _But when we were playing, you just looked like a guy having fun._ He felt a burst of pride. _And I gave that to you..._  
  
Duo reached up to touch Zechs' face. "God, I love you."  
  
Zechs turned his head to kiss Duo's fingertips. "I love you, too...more than anything."  
  
"Even more than soccer?"  
  
"Even more than that."  
  
Duo pulled Zechs down to kiss him again. "Then why don't you take me inside and do something about it?"  
  
"With pleasure." Zechs moved off of Duo and got to his feet in one fluid movement. He reached down and took Duo's hands, pulling him up. "There's one thing, first--"  
  
"What?"  
  
"It's my turn." Zechs tugged Duo's hand and led him back to the living room. The fire blazed and crackled exactly as it had when they'd left, the holographic logs glowing but never falling to ash. "Now you wait here."  
  
Smiling but puzzled, Duo let Zechs deposit him on the sofa. "What are you up to?"  
  
"Just your Christmas Eve gift. I'll be right back."  
  
"Okay..." Duo settled back into the sofa. What could Zechs possibly give him that would require such a fuss? He'd meant it when he said he couldn't think of anything he'd ever wanted that his prince hadn't already given him.   
  
Zechs returned with a large, overstuffed envelope and a small, flat package, beautifully wrapped. He left the envelope on the coffee table and laid the package on Duo's knees. "Merry Christmas."  
  
Duo took it, turned it over and over, studying it curiously. He shook it, but nothing rattled to give away the contents. He looked up at Zechs, frowning in mock consternation, but his prince only smiled mysteriously. Genuinely stumped, Duo began to untie the ribbons. The paper fell open as he pulled the bows, but he was no less perplexed once the gift was revealed. It was a photograph of a young, blue-eyed woman, her brown hair in a style that had been the fashion fifteen or twenty years ago. "Who--?"  
  
Duo stopped and studied the photo again. He didn't know her, but she looked as though she ought to be familiar. "Zechs?"  
  
"She's your mother, little one."  
  
Zechs' words didn't sink in at first. "My...my mother? But...how? I-I don't--" Duo looked up at his prince, stricken. He whispered, "My mother?"  
  
Zechs knelt next to him, his hand on Duo's knee. "Yes."  
  
Duo felt his chin begin to quiver. "How...how d-did you--"  
  
"I had my agents search the records...and then I ordered some DNA matching once they narrowed the possibilities. It really wasn't that difficult, since I had an idea of where to begin."  
  
Duo traced the woman's face with his finger. My mother... "I don't remember her...at least, I don't think I do..."  
  
"You weren't much more than a baby when she died."  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"It's all here--everything my agents found. Whenever you want to read it. There's a picture of your father, too, but...somehow, I thought you might want to see her first."  
  
"I...I...Thank you." That sounded lame, and he knew it, but he didn't know what else to say. Duo's fingers clenched on the picture frame, and he looked warily at the heavy envelope. Everything I ever wanted to know is there...and now I think I'm scared to find out.   
  
"Have you-read it?"  
  
Zechs nodded. "There's nothing here to be afraid of or ashamed of. You had a family, a home--until the war..."  
  
Duo lifted Zechs' hand and held it against his face. "I have a family and a home. B-but I...I never thought...I thought it would be impossible...I quit wishing, even, years ago..." He stopped, his voice choked, and rubbed at his burning eyes. "And here I thought life couldn't get any more perfect. I should have known." He managed a tottering smile. "Leave it to you to get me the one thing I thought I could never have. My past."  
  
Zechs sat down and pulled Duo onto his lap. "It's only fair, since you gave me the one thing I never dared hoped for."  
  
"A soccer ball?"  
  
Zechs laughed. "No, little one. I meant a future."   
  
They kissed, slowly at first, and then with more heat. Zechs' hands began to wander over Duo, down his back to his ass, then his thighs, then back up to repeat the whole tantalizing circuit again. Duo felt like he was melting under Zechs' touch. _Do you know what you do to me, without even half trying?_ He rocked his hips against his prince, suddenly needing the pressure and friction of Zechs' body against his.  
  
"Zechs?"  
  
"Yes, love?"  
  
"Can we get carried away now?"  
  
"With pleasure. Upstairs?"  
  
Duo smiled. Feeling suddenly shy, he played with Zechs' lapel, not quite meeting his eyes. "Don't think I can wait that long."  
  
Zechs took his hand and kissed each of his fingers. "Far be it from me to make you wait. At least, not on Christmas." He released Duo's hand and tugged open his zipper, then pulled Duo's slacks down his hips are far as he could. "Take these off."  
  
Duo slid off Zechs' lap and obeyed, leaving socks, shoes, and trousers in a tumbled heap on the floor. He slipped out of his jacket and started to unbutton his shirt, but Zechs stopped him. "That's enough."  
  
Duo bit his lip, feeling somehow more naked for only being bare from the waist down. Hesitant, he took a step toward Zechs, surprised to feel himself trembling. _Christ, I've been with Zechs for more than a year. So why am I shaking like I'm some kind of virgin?_  
  
Zechs sat back on the sofa, watching with intense, luminous eyes. Duo looked down, hiding his face under his hair, absurdly uncertain. He felt a sudden urge to cover himself, and even though he quelled the ridiculous impulse, he didn't quite know what to do with his hands. _Maybe it's because it's Christmas Eve, or maybe it's knowing for the first time who I am, or..._  
  
"Come here."  
  
Duo lifted his head. Zechs held his hand outstretched and repeated his command. He looked so much like the king he should have been that Duo quailed. The light from the fireplace and the Christmas trees gleamed on his hair, turning it to deep, rich gold. His father's signet ring, which he'd only recently begun to wear, glittered on his strong, slender hand, and his mouth set in regal, grave lines. But then Duo looked into his eyes. The blue eyes that could be so cold and deadly glowed with an inner fire. That look...that's mine. You don't look at anyone else that way. And it's a fucking miracle. Duo's hesitation disappeared, and he went to his prince, took his hand, and knelt at his feet. "Your command, my lord?"  
  
A smile softened Zechs' solemn expression. "Only one. Love me."  
  
"Going easy on me because it's Christmas?" Duo flashed him a grin, then inched forward on his knees until he knelt between Zechs' legs. He kissed the fabric of his perfectly tailored trousers, then slowly opened the zipper to free Zechs' erection.   
  
Zechs gasped, then sighed in pleasure at the first touch of Duo's tongue. He caught twin locks of hair like reins, giving them an infinitesimal tug. Duo understood and took all of him, closing one hand around his cock, sucking and stroking in languorous, loving unison. Zechs gripped his hair more tightly, lifting his hips to thrust into Duo's mouth. Duo met him eagerly, losing himself in the taste of his prince's skin. _We've come a long way...or I have, and you brought me here..._ With his free hand, Duo carressed Zechs' thigh, feeling the heavy muscles under the cloth of his trousers. _I remember when I couldn't get this far without falling apart. But you..._ Zechs kept picking up the broken pieces of his soul, patiently fitting them back together until he was whole again. _And tonight, what you gave me...I thought I'd lost that piece of myself forever..._  
  
Duo cupped both hands around Zechs' cock, leaned down, and touched his lips to the head in an idolatrous kiss. But instead of taking Zechs in his mouth again, Duo lifted twin handfuls of his own hair and rubbed them over his prince's hardness. Zechs shuddered, his eyes wide in surprise, and Duo went on, smoothing the thick locks over his prince's skin. Like a pagan worshipper polishing the image of a beloved god, he drew his hair over Zechs' stomach, his waist. He dropped the skeins for a moment, letting them pool between Zechs' legs. His fingers toyed with the studs of Zechs' shirt, and he turned wide, needy eyes on his prince.  
  
"Please...I want to see you. I want to touch you some more..."  
  
Zechs lifted Duo's hand, traced the lines on the small palm with his tongue before nodding. Duo deftly, reverently unfastened each stud, finally pushing open Zechs' shirt and pressing his lips to his bare flesh.  
  
Then he gathered up his hair again, rubbed it over Zechs' chest, his fingertips massaging his nipples as though through satin. His hands reached higher, to the column of Zechs' throat, over his muscled shoulders, then back down again. He began to follow the same course, but only got as far as Zechs' ribs this time when strong hands closed around his wrists.   
  
"Come up here, little one. I need you." Zechs released Duo's wrists, but captured his hands and lifted him to his feet.   
  
Duo eagerly crawled back onto Zechs' lap. He nuzzled against his prince's bared chest. "Love it when you say that..."   
  
He braced his knees on the couch and lifted his hips. He'd have lowered himself onto Zechs immediately, but Zechs stopped him.   
  
"Wait. Here...let me."   
  
"It's okay, really..."  
  
"Hush. I'm not going to hurt you, not tonight-or let you hurt yourself." Zechs reached for Duo's half-empty wine glass and dipped two fingers into the liquid, then pushed them into Duo, making him gasp, then purr. "There...isn't that better?"  
  
"Ohhh..." The half-formed protest on his lips died as Zechs' wine-slick fingers moved inside him. "Oh...that's so nice..." Duo wrapped his arms around the other man's neck. Once again, Zechs had known what he needed, even better than he'd known himself. "...so good at that..."  
  
_Like our first time...I wanted you so bad, but I was so scared you'd leave..._ Duo's back bowed as Zechs picked up a slow, pulsing rhythm. "Ahh..." _Still want you just as bad, but I'm not afraid anymore..._  
  
Zechs spoke softly, his voice full of tenderness. "Thinking of the first night we were together?"  
  
"How'd you know?" Duo moaned as his love stretched him even as he smiled at the memory. "Two things that make me loopy, you and wine...better wine now, though...nnnn...."  
  
With his free hand, Zechs caught Duo's face, brought him close for a long, deep kiss. When it ended, he barely moved, so that Duo felt his words as much as heard them. "Everything is better now...because you're here..."  
  
Duo whispered, "Sap..." but he smiled tremulously. He wanted to say so many things... _I can't believe I got this lucky...I'd give anything if I could make you this happy all the time...You're the most handsome, wonderful, generous man in the universe, and I love you so much it hurts..._ But he'd never be as good at putting his feelings into words as Zechs. So all he said was, "I'm ready..."  
  
"I know..." Zechs dipped his fingers into the wine again, this time wetting his own skin before pulling Duo down.  
  
And then Zechs was inside him, and he felt gloriously completed. Of all the gifts his prince had ever given him, this was the greatest, this sense of wholeness, that something he had missed for so long he'd almost stopped noticing had finally, irrevocably been filled.   
  
Duo met Zechs' thrusts, driving himself down, needing to feel his prince as much, as deeply as he could. He pushed against his lover, biting his lip to keep from screaming. His smothered wails faded to frantic pleas as he begged Zechs to make him come, because he was burning inside, he was aching.   
  
"Zechs...Zechs, it's _killing_ me, please let me..."  
  
Warm fingers closed around his cock, effortlessly slipping over his wet skin. A strong arm reached around him, anchoring him close to a solid body. Zechs pulled him closer, until his sex was pressed between his belly and his prince's, and he could feel the ridged muscles of Zechs' abdomen rubbing him with each plunge.  
  
"Nnn...can't...have to..." Duo panted, clinging to Zechs helplessly.  
  
For an endless moment, impossibly blue eyes met his, and he felt as though their souls merged, joined as completely as their bodies. Zechs' mouth pressed against his, hot and firm. He parted his own lips, and Zechs' tongue whisked once over them, then slipped inside his mouth, muffling his cries as his prince thrust once more, harder and deeper than ever.  
  
The last shred of his control was stripped from him. Release swept through him, leaving him weak. He felt Zechs grip his ass, fingers digging into his flesh, felt his lover go rigid and a sudden warmth fill him inside, tasted his prince's fulfilled cry. Dazzled, he clung with the last of his strengh, then slumped bonelessly in Zechs' arms.   
  
"God..."  
  
He felt Zechs chuckle, but his prince made no attempt to move, either. They nuzzled in quiet content until Zechs finally said, "Time for bed, little one. Come on."  
  
Duo didn't move. "Can't."  
  
Zechs kissed him again and set him on his feet. Duo's knees wobbled, but before they gave out, Zechs scooped him up and carried him upstairs. In their suite, their own Christmas tree gleamed in the dark, the lights reflecting off the pile of gifts below its branches. Duo snuggled closer into Zechs' arms. He looked up hopefully.  
  
"Put me to bed?"  
  
"I'd thought about leaving you out here to see if Santa would take you in trade." Duo humphed and squirmed, and Zechs hugged him close. "But I suppose after tonight, I'll keep you."  
  
"S'just cause you want someone to play soccer with."  
  
"You've found me out." Zechs sat him on the bed and unbuttoned Duo's shirt. When he'd finished undressing him, he pulled back the covers. "Get in."  
  
Duo wriggled his way under the covers, watching with heavy eyes as Zechs stripped off his own clothes. When he joined Duo in bed, Duo scooted close, spooning his body against his prince's, going through his usual routine of fidgeting and shifting until he got comfortable. He felt Zechs relax against him and happily burrowed into his warmth. He had nearly fallen asleep himself when he remembered something and came wide awake again.  
  
"Zechs!"  
  
"Hmm?" Zechs nuzzled him, clearly clinging to awareness by sheer strength of will.  
  
"I left my clothes downstairs."  
  
"What of it? Not like you don' have 'ny up here..." Despite his efforts, sleep slurred his usually precise speech.  
  
Duo snuggled, fitting his rump against Zechs' thighs. "But Mrs. Gillis will find them." _And think she's housekeeper for a couple of sex maniacs...which she is..._  
  
"...she's used to it b'now...'sides, I'm sure she heard you."   
  
"I wasn't loud!"  
  
To Duo's acute embarrassment, Zechs smirked. He wrapped one long leg around Duo's shorter ones and snagged him even closer, so that Duo could feel his breath warm on his hair. He draped an arm over Duo's shoulders. "Go t'sleep, Duo." Duo felt Zechs lean forward and his lips brush his cheek. "...love you."  
  
"Love you, too." Duo pressed his cheek against Zechs' arm. Suddenly, he didn't care if their whole staff had been watching. "So much I think I could die from it."  
  
Zechs' arms tightened around him. "Hush, little one." He touched Duo's hair, and Duo felt the strength in his hand even through the gentleness. "Merry Christmas. Tonight and always." Zechs gave him another quick, loving embrace, then relaxed as he surrendered to sleep.  
  
Duo whispered, "Merry Christmas..." He snuggled into his prince's arms, but sleep evaded him. _Just like a little kid...can't sleep on Christmas Eve._ But it wasn't the thought of the presents under the tree that kept him awake. _You were right. It's too wonderful a night to end._  
  
Eyes wide in the darkness, he gazed at the picture on his nightstand. He couldn't see her face, but somewhere at the edge of his consciousness, he felt a warm and comforting presence. No louder than a breath, he whispered words he'd longed his whole life to say.  
  
"G'night, mom...and...and M-merry Christmas...wherever you are..."  
  
He expected no answer, of course, but as he dropped off to sleep at last, it seemed to him that he felt the faintest stirring of air, as if a feather had brushed his cheek, and from far away, as though it came from a distant corner of the grand house, a voice buried deep in his memory whispered a Christmas lullaby.


	12. Reflections in the Snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> by RazorQueen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note from Dacia, the archivist: this work was originally archived at [A Little Piece of Gundam Wing](https://fanlore.org/wiki/A_Little_Piece_Of_Gundam_Wing), which closed in 2017. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after July 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [a little piece of gundam wing collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/alittlepieceofgundamwing/profile).

On a clear night, the display of lights in the park would have been dazzling. Tonight, a Christmas Eve snow covered the trees and bushes, muting them to a soft glow. Duo held out his palm and caught a handful of snowflakes. They held their fragile beauty for a few seconds, then melted against the warmth of his skin.  Pretty, but they didn’t last long enough. What was all the fuss about snow, anyway? Duo wiped his wet hand on his jeans and sidled closer to Zechs.  
  
Zechs looked away from a display of animated reindeer and smiled down at him.  The tense line he always seemed to carry between his brows had nearly disappeared, and Duo reached up to stroke his cheek. Sometimes he swore Zechs needed to touch the Earth, to draw strength from it, like the giant in that ancient story he’d read in one of the books in the library at home. It made coming back easier, understanding that about him.  
  
“Nice place. Thanks for bringing me.”  
  
“The pleasure is mine. I remember the lights here when I was a child—I’m glad they’ve started decorating again. During the war, no one did.”  Zechs turned his head enough to kiss Duo’s fingers, but then he frowned. “Little one,” he chided gently. “You forgot your gloves.”  
  
Duo grinned. “It’s an excuse to put my hands in your pockets.”  
  
Zechs rolled his eyes and took Duo’s hand, wrapping his own gloved fingers around it. The leather was cool and smooth, but underneath, Duo felt Zechs’ warmth and steady strength.  His grin softened to a tender smile, and he moved a little closer to Zechs’ side.  
  
Hand in hand, they walked through the park, stopping now and then to look at scenes and sculptures.  A few children ran ahead of their parents, squealing or shouting, depending on their ages, but mostly, the earlier crowds had thinned. Three boys started an impromptu snowball fight until their father herded them along the path. Duo watched them disappear around a curve, still laughing and trying to shove snow down each others’ necks. Cute kids, in a rambunctious sort of way. It took Duo a minute to realize that he hadn’t felt envy or anger watching them, just amusement. Well. Apparently time did heal wounds, after all. He stole a glance at the tall, blond man beside him. Time—and love. Love most of all. He rested his head on Zechs’ shoulder.  
  
“Something wrong?”  
  
“Nope. Everything’s right.”  
  
“You honestly don’t mind that I dragged you to Earth for Christmas this year?”  
  
“Really. It’s okay. It was actually kind of nice of Heero and Relena to invite us. Anyway, the important thing is that we’re together.” Duo looked up at the snowflakes that glittered through the light on their lazy trek to the ground. “And I guess snow isn’t that bad.”  
  
Zechs angled his head, his mouth twitching with a badly suppressed smile. “You missed it.”  
  
Duo’s eyes widened in alarm. “I did not! I just said it wasn’t that bad.”  
  
“All right. All right.” Zechs laughed. No bitterness tinged it, and it made Duo remember how much he liked that particular sound and that he didn’t hear it nearly often enough. “Stop looking like you expect me to propose a ski holiday.”  
  
Duo laughed, too, though more in delight at Zechs’ obvious happiness than at the idea of trying to learn to ski. He tugged Zechs’ hand, and they started to walk again. The snow fell a little heavier, covering the sparse tracks of the other visitors. “Not very crowded tonight.”  
  
“Christmas is tomorrow. I imagine people are too busy.”  
  
“Yeah.” They stopped in front of a trio of lighted trees, but what caught Duo’s eye was the slab of marble obscured by the evergreens.  He stepped closer, certain that no one was going to tell the Ambassador to keep his companion off the grass.  He held back the branches with one hand, brushed the snow away with the other. In the lights from the trees, he could read the carving.  
  
“In memory of those who gave their lives…” His smile faded, his eyes blurred as names and faces crowded his memory. He let the branch go, and it swept back into place, once again shielding the park visitors from the reminder of the past, of war and death. But he didn’t go back to the path, and when Zechs laid a hand on his shoulder, he jumped a little. Then he shook himself and turned around. He meant to smile, but he saw the same memories, just with different names and faces, reflected in his love’s eyes.   
  
“I’m sorry.” He gave Zechs a slightly lopsided grin. “Guess I should have stayed on the path, like the signs say.”  
  
Zechs put an arm around Duo’s shoulders and drew him away. “Baby, don’t look back. It doesn’t change anything.”  
  
“It’s hard not to look back, being here.”  
  
“I know.” Zechs sounded, not exactly sad, but grave, though he smiled when Duo slipped his arm around his waist. “Think about a good Christmas memory.”  
  
“I did. I have exactly two of them, so it didn’t take me very long.”  
  
Zechs gave Duo a squeeze, then stopped at a cart where a man sold hot chocolate and bought two cups. He gave one to Duo.  
  
“Here. It will keep your hands warm.”  
  
Duo took a deep sniff of the chocolate. “I do love you.”  
  
“I know.”  
  
He took a sip and sighed, lost for a moment in the distracting happiness of warmth and chocolate. Zechs knew him too well. They followed the path until it sloped up over a footbridge, and Duo stopped, planted his elbows on the handrail, and watched as the snow flocked the trees with white. He stole a glance at Zechs, who looked out at the trees and lights, too. His face, perfect in profile, showed nothing of his thoughts, which in itself made Duo wonder what he saw in the falling snow.  
  
Don’t look back, Zechs told him. Too bad he didn’t take his own advice. Duo jumped into the silence before it grew too heavy to break. “When did you first know it?”  
  
Zechs blinked, as though he didn’t quite follow Duo’s thoughts. “When did I first know you loved me?”  
  
“No, silly.”  Duo watched the steam from their cups waft into the snowy air. “The first time you knew that you loved me.”  
  
“The first time I went away.” Zechs answered so quickly that Duo suspected he’d thought about the question before.   
  
“Oh, come on. Seriously.”  
  
“I am serious. When I left, I thought that I’d only be gone a few days, and I’d be busy. I didn’t expect to miss you the way I did. But I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I kept turning and expecting you to be there. Someone would say something and I’d think, ‘I need to tell that to Duo.’ I’d walk down a street and imagine walking with you. I went to bed, and you weren’t there. At first, I tried to tell myself that it was because I’d gotten used to you. But it was more than that. I missed you like I’d miss a part of my soul.”  
  
Duo blushed. “You have to make everything sound so damn poetic, don’t you?”  
  
Zechs chuckled, and Duo saw with relief that the brooding shadows cleared from his face. “What about you? I remember very clearly when you told me the first time that you love me. But when did you know?”  
  
Damn. Didn’t change the subject fast enough. “Hey…we missed that display over there. I think they have some live animals. It looks cool—come on.”  
  
Zechs tugged on Duo’s braid, enough to pull him up short. “Do you think you’re going to get out of this that easily?”  
  
“No. But I figured it was worth a try.” Duo tossed his empty cup into a trashcan. “Finished?” When Zechs nodded, he threw his cup away, as well. “Can I put my hands in your pocket now?”  
  
Zechs held out his arms, and Duo snugged against him, slipping his hands into the pockets of Zechs’ coat. “Warm enough, little one?”  
  
“Mmm.” Duo pressed against Zechs. It felt good to lean against him like this, shielded from the snow, warmed by his body, breathing in his scent. While they stood like this, Zechs was his whole world, and that was okay with him. He wriggled, and Zechs wrapped him in his coat. “That’s nice.”  
  
“So it is. But you still haven’t answered my question.”  
  
“It was after you got back from that trip—I was sick, remember?”  
  
Zechs nodded. “Poor baby. Of course.”  
  
“I felt so fucking awful, and then you called, and I really wanted to see you, but…geez, I hadn’t taken a bath in, like, three days. I know I must have looked like hell, and I felt ten times worse than that. And I really hate being alone when I’m sick—”  Duo’s voice shook just a little, and Zechs rubbed his back. “But no way did I want you to see me. So I made up some lame excuse about having to work late or something.”  
  
“And I didn’t believe a word of it, because I could tell you were ill. Even your voice sounded tired.”  
  
“When you showed up with a bag full of groceries and medicine and shit, I could have cried, I was so grateful. Of course, about two seconds later, I wanted to crawl under the covers and hide because I was such a mess.”  
  
“You were a mess. But a beautiful one.”  
  
Duo bumped Zechs with his hip. “But when I really fell for you was…nah, you’ll think it’s dumb.”  
  
“No chance.”  
  
“It’s not poetic at all.”  
  
“One poet in the family is enough, don’t you think?” Zechs lifted Duo’s chin, and Duo caught the scent of leather.  
  
“You know how you made me clean up and change clothes, and you brushed my hair…”  
  
Zechs smiled. “That was the fun part.”  
  
Duo grinned back at him. “Oh, yeah. It was.”  
  
“So that was when?” Zechs had a self-satisfied look, as though he’d known Duo’s answer all along. It gave Duo a perverse satisfaction to contradict him.  
  
“Nope.”  
  
“No?”  
  
“You made me go back to bed and covered me up and everything…and then you put some kind of salve on my nose.” Duo looked up at Zechs. “I was such a goner after that.”  
  
“Your nose? You fell in love with me because I put salve on your nose?”  
  
“Why not? I had to figure that any guy who’d go that far was a keeper.” He winked at Zechs. “It just seemed like it summed up everything about the way you treated me. I’d just never felt so…so taken care of. I was so damn tired of taking care of myself. Not like I couldn’t do it, or anything—”  
  
Zechs gave Duo a tender kiss. “Of course you can. But I heard your voice on the phone, and I thought, ‘Here’s Duo, trying so hard to make it, just to have some kind of a life, and no one’s helping. Someone ought to.’ And I knew that someone was me.”  
  
Duo leaned against Zechs and watched the snow. A veil of white covered the trees, the ground, the path, and the city sounds were hushed and far away. It made Duo feel like the night waited for some wonderful possibility to be realized, and he decided that snow really was kind of nice after all.   
  
“I’m glad it was.”  
  
“So am I.” Zechs kept Duo close to him. “It’s getting late.”  
  
“Yeah.  Guess we should be going.”  
  
“Tomorrow will be busy.”   
  
Duo grimaced. Relena and her damned parties. At least at home, he and Zechs got to take Christmas off.  Oh well. The food was always good. “I know.”  
  
“So we’d better go.”  
  
“Uh-huh.”  
  
But neither man moved. Instead, they stayed on the little footbridge, content in each other’s arms, and in watching the silent magic of the falling Christmas snow.  
  
(end)


End file.
